Topic: Let's be real.
+Anonymous A — 15.2 years ago #8,450
I don't know you people. I've been coming here for a really long time now. I don't feel like I need to introduce myself 'cause partly I don't plan on namefagging; ever. I feel like shit and maybe telling you guys why would help. I think it'd be best if we start from the beginning, some time around when I reached puberty 'cause as far as I'm concerned life didn't begin until I started to look at girls in a different way - grade school. Everything before that was fine from what I can remember so let's leave that be. All right, here we go: puberty, when I reached puberty my popularity and the way I interacted with other students declined rapidly. I went from a fairly well adjusted adolescent with many friends to a bit of a loner that felt only comfortable with kids that used drugs or alcohol. It was the unexpected change in my body and myself image due to certain noticeably hereditary traits that spurred the feelings of inadequacy around kids that were probably going through some of the same things that I was feeling at the time up until I was probably about 21 years old. I always thought I was the only one playing with my little wiener even though everyone joked about it which made me very shy around girls that really liked me.
In order to try to eliminate these feelings I would hang around one of my older brothers and his friends. They were all merely a year and a half years older than me and because I was a bit of a fighter in my youth I was always readily accepted into their little clique. They also were quick to influence me in doing things I would not have normally done had I been with my friends of my own age. Twice they actually convinced me when I was 13 and 14 years old to set one friend of mine up so that while him and I were out causing our own petty trouble, my brother and one of his friends were stealing my friend's dad's pot plants and later that night we split the heist 3 ways. The other time it was me setting up two different friends a year younger than me on the same day. They had both the most expensive BMX bikes in the district I lived in and I was the one to lead them to this certain store at a certain time so that my brother and three or four of his friends could easily swipe them. They were both dirty things to do for someone of my age, about 14. It wasn't long after these events that I really felt as dirty as the deeds.
The changes in my body, the discovery of jacking off and my shyness towards girls led me to one day act on my curiosity about the anatomy of the opposite gender by peering through the bathroom window one day when my 11 year old cousin (who my mom adored dearly and would request of my relatives to have her spend the weekend over at our place) was taking a shower. Although only 14, I've always felt terribly guilty for doing it. Even though I never even thought of doing sexual things like molest her when she's asleep or anything like that, I've felt at times like I did in a certain way molest her or at least violated her innocence. I still carry a lot of shame over such a little natural curiosity that overcame me on that day about 30 years ago. I think my self esteem was really damaged after that - after I'd thought about some.
For the next 5 years I did everything I could to keep a bag of pot in my pocket every day. From stealing money out of my mom's purse, breaking into the next door neighbor's house (he always had a big bag stashed in his bathroom) and stealing plants where I could find them. By the time I was a junior in high school, my concentration on studying was so bad that I just dropped out and went to work with my father in his plumbing business alongside my older brothers which I had been doing the three previous summers. This kept me from getting into thieving with the wrong crowd who I would party my hard earned dollars with but who I would also take advantage of their drug needs by pilfering out of bags of dope I would be the middleman in their transactions.
I guess this is where I should begin to mention my intro to speed and alcohol. The speed I was dabbling with more so than with the liquor at about 16. I didn't much care for the alcohol early on because I would always end up drinking the most and face down before everyone else got started. The speed on the other hand allowed me to be really upbeat, sociable and clever. The downside was that when everyone broke up for the night I would find myself alone with nothing to do sometimes except play with myself until the next day began. This behavior made it difficult to look at people, friends and family so I seldom did it more than 2 to 3 times a month and always on a Friday or Saturday. Sometimes I wouldn't touch the stuff for a few months at a time because of the shame of jerking off for hours at a time,
That's where the alcohol came in handy. I could drink alone or with a small group, forget about my sexual behavior attributed to the methamphetamine and all my other inadequacies concerning myself dealing with society and women for the most part and I could feel like a real man 10 feet tall or so I thought. Adding to the shame of the speed and my obsessive masturbating is the fact that my folks' home had no locks on bedroom doors or bathrooms so my mom would sometimes rudely walk in not only my bedroom without knocking but also the bathroom where I would be doing my thing with my thing. Very fucking embarrassing!! This went on for about three years.
Between 16 and 19 years old, I found myself avoiding these interruptions by sometimes hiding in our big backyard setting myself up for even more shame on a scale unimaginable not to mention the paranoia that followed a few years later. No matter how hard I worked on all the jobs well done in these following years, the shame I brought on myself always overrode any sense of pride or self esteem I had gained from always doing my best at work.
Ok, I'm going to stop here for now. I'm extremely tired and it's getting harder and harder to type this in the order in which they happened. Guess I'll just pick up where I left off tomorrow.
In order to try to eliminate these feelings I would hang around one of my older brothers and his friends. They were all merely a year and a half years older than me and because I was a bit of a fighter in my youth I was always readily accepted into their little clique. They also were quick to influence me in doing things I would not have normally done had I been with my friends of my own age. Twice they actually convinced me when I was 13 and 14 years old to set one friend of mine up so that while him and I were out causing our own petty trouble, my brother and one of his friends were stealing my friend's dad's pot plants and later that night we split the heist 3 ways. The other time it was me setting up two different friends a year younger than me on the same day. They had both the most expensive BMX bikes in the district I lived in and I was the one to lead them to this certain store at a certain time so that my brother and three or four of his friends could easily swipe them. They were both dirty things to do for someone of my age, about 14. It wasn't long after these events that I really felt as dirty as the deeds.
The changes in my body, the discovery of jacking off and my shyness towards girls led me to one day act on my curiosity about the anatomy of the opposite gender by peering through the bathroom window one day when my 11 year old cousin (who my mom adored dearly and would request of my relatives to have her spend the weekend over at our place) was taking a shower. Although only 14, I've always felt terribly guilty for doing it. Even though I never even thought of doing sexual things like molest her when she's asleep or anything like that, I've felt at times like I did in a certain way molest her or at least violated her innocence. I still carry a lot of shame over such a little natural curiosity that overcame me on that day about 30 years ago. I think my self esteem was really damaged after that - after I'd thought about some.
For the next 5 years I did everything I could to keep a bag of pot in my pocket every day. From stealing money out of my mom's purse, breaking into the next door neighbor's house (he always had a big bag stashed in his bathroom) and stealing plants where I could find them. By the time I was a junior in high school, my concentration on studying was so bad that I just dropped out and went to work with my father in his plumbing business alongside my older brothers which I had been doing the three previous summers. This kept me from getting into thieving with the wrong crowd who I would party my hard earned dollars with but who I would also take advantage of their drug needs by pilfering out of bags of dope I would be the middleman in their transactions.
I guess this is where I should begin to mention my intro to speed and alcohol. The speed I was dabbling with more so than with the liquor at about 16. I didn't much care for the alcohol early on because I would always end up drinking the most and face down before everyone else got started. The speed on the other hand allowed me to be really upbeat, sociable and clever. The downside was that when everyone broke up for the night I would find myself alone with nothing to do sometimes except play with myself until the next day began. This behavior made it difficult to look at people, friends and family so I seldom did it more than 2 to 3 times a month and always on a Friday or Saturday. Sometimes I wouldn't touch the stuff for a few months at a time because of the shame of jerking off for hours at a time,
That's where the alcohol came in handy. I could drink alone or with a small group, forget about my sexual behavior attributed to the methamphetamine and all my other inadequacies concerning myself dealing with society and women for the most part and I could feel like a real man 10 feet tall or so I thought. Adding to the shame of the speed and my obsessive masturbating is the fact that my folks' home had no locks on bedroom doors or bathrooms so my mom would sometimes rudely walk in not only my bedroom without knocking but also the bathroom where I would be doing my thing with my thing. Very fucking embarrassing!! This went on for about three years.
Between 16 and 19 years old, I found myself avoiding these interruptions by sometimes hiding in our big backyard setting myself up for even more shame on a scale unimaginable not to mention the paranoia that followed a few years later. No matter how hard I worked on all the jobs well done in these following years, the shame I brought on myself always overrode any sense of pride or self esteem I had gained from always doing my best at work.
Ok, I'm going to stop here for now. I'm extremely tired and it's getting harder and harder to type this in the order in which they happened. Guess I'll just pick up where I left off tomorrow.
+TrollBuster3000 — 15.2 years ago, 5 minutes later[T] [B] #117,088
its ok OP
+vocalon !!I}%wiF3B$ — 15.2 years ago, 32 seconds later, 5 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #117,089
tl;dr
+Svet !jzYkdX7lIw — 15.2 years ago, 5 minutes later, 11 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #117,092
... nvm
(Edited 28 seconds later.)
+Balfomoar !v.HDBoners — 15.2 years ago, 8 minutes later, 19 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #117,093
no reference of tc in first sentence didnt read
+Anonymous F — 15.2 years ago, 3 hours later, 3 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,147
I was going to... no, no I wasn't...
+Smegma !J5VkSmegmA — 15.2 years ago, 3 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,149
@OP
First few sentences were dull. I skipped to the third paragraph and saw
> the changes in my body, the discovery of jacking off and...
I stopped there.
First few sentences were dull. I skipped to the third paragraph and saw
> the changes in my body, the discovery of jacking off and...
I stopped there.
+Anonymous H — 15.2 years ago, 10 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,153
Let's not.+Anonymous I — 15.2 years ago, 4 hours later, 8 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,196
if your're gonna make copypasta it ether has to be many, many, many times longer than a page or make the first sentences catch the attention of the reader.
as is the highest i can give you is "I don't give a fuck, i was drinking sprite when i read your fucking headline."
as is the highest i can give you is "I don't give a fuck, i was drinking sprite when i read your fucking headline."
+Anonymous J — 15.2 years ago, 18 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,200
@OP
Not really. I might be committing political suicide by saying this, and be accused of selling out, but here it goes: I want to get away from the Kimmo stylesheet altogether. I want to get away from the idea of being a chan altogether. I want to create a discussion board that is more like a social network than anything else. It would be like Facebook, with the focus being on the board and real discussion rather than it focusing on groups, likes, wall-posts, pokes, games, etc. It would give you the option to post anonymously rather than forcing you to register, but registering and having a profile would be an option. It would be like twitter, but would encourage intelligent conversation rather than 100 character "tweets" that seem to be dumbing down the nation. It would be like a blog, but people would actually care about it, because rather than being a blog in the sense that it's a single website about you, it's interactive and everyone is tied together through the social network. You could have a "friends" list, but it would be more like a list of favorite posters where you watch for their posts/threads, rather than a restrictive list. It will be like Facebook WAS, back when people actually joined groups and went into the discussion tab to have actual discussion, before they started putting ridiculous restrictions on groups and encouraging people to just "like" corporations instead and have you play mindless games so they can sell your information to advertisers. You'd still have the same freedom of speech, and be able to post anything from chan bullshit to legitimate reporters using it as a medium to post their news articles or blogs. It would be like youtube, but the focus would be on discussion rather than video, but the idea of it being user generated content is the same. Privacy would never be an issue, because you'd still have the option to post anonymously and no logging in would be required.
I warned you it was political suicide. I know some of you must think I'm joking and that I just don't get it. I know I probably sound like Kimmo several years ago, posting about stuff where it was obvious to everyone but him that only he thought his ideas were a good idea. The difference is, I'm not a sociopath, I don't want to do this because I think I deserve a billion dollars, I don't think it's guaranteed to be the next big thing, and I understand that it's not for everyone, so I have no intention of spamming my site all over the god damn place trying to attract attention from people who will obviously hate it. I just know there are a lot of people just like me out there who miss the old youtube, miss the old facebook, hate the teenage drama of myspace, and are sickened by the watered down content and pointless updates of twitter. There are people out there who love the free speech of blogs and chan sites, but hate the meaningless shit that fills most chans and the fact that most blogs are just people who only want to talk about themselves or think they're real reporters because they have a website. I know the internet market is already flooded with so many social networking and sharing sites that I might just be insane. Maybe I really am like Kimmo and I'm trying to reinvent the wheel just because there's not a site out there that's not EXACTLY what I want it to be. If that's the case, just say so. If there's a social networking site out there that's ridiculously close to what I'm describing here, just say so, and I'll leave you alone and I'll go there instead. I'm not going to be like Kimmo and go ahead with an idea when everyone tells me it's lame and refuse to take any advice and call anyone who disagree with me a troll, but if you read this and you feel the same way, if your're like me and feel like there are millions of people out there who feel the same way we do, if your're sick of settling for what's already out there and feel like the internet needs a new niche for everyone who is like us...
JOIN ME
Or don't because I realize that was a little over the top.
Not really. I might be committing political suicide by saying this, and be accused of selling out, but here it goes: I want to get away from the Kimmo stylesheet altogether. I want to get away from the idea of being a chan altogether. I want to create a discussion board that is more like a social network than anything else. It would be like Facebook, with the focus being on the board and real discussion rather than it focusing on groups, likes, wall-posts, pokes, games, etc. It would give you the option to post anonymously rather than forcing you to register, but registering and having a profile would be an option. It would be like twitter, but would encourage intelligent conversation rather than 100 character "tweets" that seem to be dumbing down the nation. It would be like a blog, but people would actually care about it, because rather than being a blog in the sense that it's a single website about you, it's interactive and everyone is tied together through the social network. You could have a "friends" list, but it would be more like a list of favorite posters where you watch for their posts/threads, rather than a restrictive list. It will be like Facebook WAS, back when people actually joined groups and went into the discussion tab to have actual discussion, before they started putting ridiculous restrictions on groups and encouraging people to just "like" corporations instead and have you play mindless games so they can sell your information to advertisers. You'd still have the same freedom of speech, and be able to post anything from chan bullshit to legitimate reporters using it as a medium to post their news articles or blogs. It would be like youtube, but the focus would be on discussion rather than video, but the idea of it being user generated content is the same. Privacy would never be an issue, because you'd still have the option to post anonymously and no logging in would be required.
I warned you it was political suicide. I know some of you must think I'm joking and that I just don't get it. I know I probably sound like Kimmo several years ago, posting about stuff where it was obvious to everyone but him that only he thought his ideas were a good idea. The difference is, I'm not a sociopath, I don't want to do this because I think I deserve a billion dollars, I don't think it's guaranteed to be the next big thing, and I understand that it's not for everyone, so I have no intention of spamming my site all over the god damn place trying to attract attention from people who will obviously hate it. I just know there are a lot of people just like me out there who miss the old youtube, miss the old facebook, hate the teenage drama of myspace, and are sickened by the watered down content and pointless updates of twitter. There are people out there who love the free speech of blogs and chan sites, but hate the meaningless shit that fills most chans and the fact that most blogs are just people who only want to talk about themselves or think they're real reporters because they have a website. I know the internet market is already flooded with so many social networking and sharing sites that I might just be insane. Maybe I really am like Kimmo and I'm trying to reinvent the wheel just because there's not a site out there that's not EXACTLY what I want it to be. If that's the case, just say so. If there's a social networking site out there that's ridiculously close to what I'm describing here, just say so, and I'll leave you alone and I'll go there instead. I'm not going to be like Kimmo and go ahead with an idea when everyone tells me it's lame and refuse to take any advice and call anyone who disagree with me a troll, but if you read this and you feel the same way, if your're like me and feel like there are millions of people out there who feel the same way we do, if your're sick of settling for what's already out there and feel like the internet needs a new niche for everyone who is like us...
JOIN ME
Or don't because I realize that was a little over the top.
+Gentlemen !22M2wEkk5k — 15.2 years ago, 2 hours later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,216
+Nickalollyoff !Aw0s40dyqw — 15.2 years ago, 4 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,217
+Svet !jzYkdX7lIw — 15.2 years ago, 11 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,219
Why do I get the feeling that this would have been made on AT if it was still up.
·Anonymous A (OP) — 15.2 years ago, 35 minutes later, 12 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,221
I see no one in this thread really cares. Either way, I'm feeling much better. Okay back on track.
Alcohol... this is why alcohol became my drug of choice. When I was 19 I stole my brother's ID who was 3 inches shorter than me but very similar in appearance so I was very quickly learning how to drown the shame by drinking large quantities of beer every night by myself for the most part and feeling like a real man. I had a foggy perception that a real man didn't need or want to jerk off and women... well a real man could take'em or leave'em. This was during my first sexual encounter with a young lady 16 years old and who of course at that age I thought I loved her. Well, after about five months of fooling around with her she dumped me. About nine months after that she was pregnant and I was such an ignorant youth it never dawned on me that the baby was mine. She never let me in on it probably thinking I'd figure it out so neither did my buddies.
During the next two years I drank like a fish every night except one or two times every few months when I would get wired on meth and indulge my sexual fantasies on my own one way or another. By the end of this period I would have 2 DUI convictions and a few months jail time because I never called for my parents help or even a lawyer to try to get me out on bail. I felt I deserved what I got so why complain, I had put my folks through enough worry, why add to it? This was my MO for another 2 years and 3 more DUI's all of which I simply plead guilty and served well over a year county time never bothering anyone for help.
I never liked jail. It scared me the first time. Although I was put together fairly well from lifting weights and I could fight, the first time in jail scared me badly. By my fifth DUI, jail still scared me but I learned how to keep to myself and not let people too close to me to find out my weaknesses. At that time I was about 195 lbs. from working with weights and working in the kitchen getting extra grub. I was big and stayed withdrawn from the groups and gangs of men so they stayed away from me but I was always fearful of any kind of violence as I still am to this day. Even after all the DUI's in such a short time I was always welcomed back to stay with mom and dad and always had a job waiting for me. During this time I had also had only 2 other sexual relationships with woman that were short lived and awkward. It was when I was 25 that my folks separated. At this period I was kind of floating about between my parents' house and a friend's house. My dad had just picked up a big contract on about 50 houses that were mandated to switch from septic to county sewer. I was running with a crazy cousin of mine at the time that used meth on a daily basis so of course I myself was starting to use it more frequently than my previous habit, which at that point I had recently gotten out of jail after doing a year for my fifth DUI so I haven't touched the stuff in about 13 months. Or anything else for that matter. Well, this cousin of mine and myself would drive around all night drinking, smoking dope and doing speed and I was starting to see some scary people that only slept one or two nights out of the week like my cousin. As for myself, I was able to crash a couple hours at least every day in order to keep up my responsibility with working for my father. I was able to do this by powering the meth by just smoking and drinking more than the speed so my sexual habit was for the most part arrested. This though is where a lot of my fear and paranoia started creeping in.
I was able at this time to confess my shameful sexual secrets to this cousin of mine and one of my brothers and my father who all told me not to worry about it and just learn from it. I did do this but at the same time I felt as if my dirty little secrets were really just an open book for anyone to read which put me on the defensive for about a year or more. I guess even to this day to a certain degree. Anyways, from that time on I've been fearful of being suspected by not only family, peers and strangers of being some kind of sexual predator but also the law enforcement. During that time I was always walking around with a 14 inch pipe wrench up my sleeve ready for violence which thank God has never come. I eventually became so frightened that I stopped using drugs and alcohol completely in order that I would be clear headed if a confrontation ever did arise.
I was about 4 months into this sobriety that I met this wonderful Japanese girl and nearly all my fears melted away. This happened in March 1995. I was 27 years old. I became so into her and vice versa that I think in some respect, she was simply a replacement for my drinking and I was her replacement for whatever insecurities she had in her life. I was sober with her occasionally drinking wine which never bothered me until our second New Years Eve together when we met up with a couple of her girlfriends and they all urged me to have a beer, that it was New Years Eve and my birthday. What could it hurt? I thought I could handle a couple beers. Of course I couldn't and I ended up drinking more mugs of beer in the bar we rang out the end of the year in. It didn't matter to my girlfriend, though. She didn't realize how I felt about myself and my weakness the next morning. Regardless of my feelings, I was so in love and happy that she was still with me that I was determined not to drink ever again as long as we were together.
That lasted about another one and a half years. After that period of sobriety up until Sept. 2000, my drinking sprees became closer and closer and my girlfriend began to see me more closely in my depressions an for what I really am. During this time I was always working steady and she was always very supportive and compassionate because I had told her from the very beginning of our relationship the extent of the shame and guilt from which my addiction had grown. It was still too much a strain on her to watch me go down hill so in the summer of 2000, she decided to take a break from school and more likely so, a break from me and went back to Japan to live with her mother. I thought it was the end. That whole summer was a blur from tying it on with my brother and my father that by the time September rolled around I was in pretty bad shape and actually hearing voices and seeing this evil little man in my mind's eye. I checked myself into emergency for the night and that was the beginning of my 7 year stint of sobriety.
I never wronged this young woman physically or financially but I caused her some grief that she would not have known if she never began this relationship that developed between us of which I'm at fault. Nevertheless she returned without any plea from me unannounced to begin the fall semester at the junior college near where I was living and things were more or less back to a positive relationship as to how it started out. The only thing that was still missing was my purpose in life which for the next 7 years I was still battling my depressions on rare occasions, 2 or 3 times a year I would sink into a pit of fear and despair that would sometimes last for a week and which neither of us including my family could help get me out of. I never drink to medicate these feelings away but sometimes I wouldn't leave the house for two or three days. I was fortunate to have very understanding employers during these bouts that knew my problem and would allow me these breaks from the real world. During the first two years of the seven that I stayed sober because I had great employers and was making really good money, I was also able to visit Japan a few times and pay my way through some very good language academies there. I really felt like I was doing something good with my life which I was but without God to guide me through why it was good there was still that God-shaped hole in my heart that remained unfilled.
It was Sept. 2002 that I felt there was nothing left that I could get from my family and the place I had grown up so without telling a single soul except my girlfriend who had gone to Japan for a couple of weeks to straighten out her student Visa status, I withdrew all my money from my accounts bought a ticket and flew to Japan convincing myself I would never return home to see my family in order that they should never worry about me again. It never occurred to me until after I started drinking again how much I was hurting and still am to this day and every day I don't speak to them or see them. All that I really cared about was being with this beautiful girl. Nothing else mattered.
The rest is far too much for tonight, I can't even think straight right now; been drinking (surprise, surprise). I'll continue this sometime real soon. Somewhat unlikely, but I'll try.
Alcohol... this is why alcohol became my drug of choice. When I was 19 I stole my brother's ID who was 3 inches shorter than me but very similar in appearance so I was very quickly learning how to drown the shame by drinking large quantities of beer every night by myself for the most part and feeling like a real man. I had a foggy perception that a real man didn't need or want to jerk off and women... well a real man could take'em or leave'em. This was during my first sexual encounter with a young lady 16 years old and who of course at that age I thought I loved her. Well, after about five months of fooling around with her she dumped me. About nine months after that she was pregnant and I was such an ignorant youth it never dawned on me that the baby was mine. She never let me in on it probably thinking I'd figure it out so neither did my buddies.
During the next two years I drank like a fish every night except one or two times every few months when I would get wired on meth and indulge my sexual fantasies on my own one way or another. By the end of this period I would have 2 DUI convictions and a few months jail time because I never called for my parents help or even a lawyer to try to get me out on bail. I felt I deserved what I got so why complain, I had put my folks through enough worry, why add to it? This was my MO for another 2 years and 3 more DUI's all of which I simply plead guilty and served well over a year county time never bothering anyone for help.
I never liked jail. It scared me the first time. Although I was put together fairly well from lifting weights and I could fight, the first time in jail scared me badly. By my fifth DUI, jail still scared me but I learned how to keep to myself and not let people too close to me to find out my weaknesses. At that time I was about 195 lbs. from working with weights and working in the kitchen getting extra grub. I was big and stayed withdrawn from the groups and gangs of men so they stayed away from me but I was always fearful of any kind of violence as I still am to this day. Even after all the DUI's in such a short time I was always welcomed back to stay with mom and dad and always had a job waiting for me. During this time I had also had only 2 other sexual relationships with woman that were short lived and awkward. It was when I was 25 that my folks separated. At this period I was kind of floating about between my parents' house and a friend's house. My dad had just picked up a big contract on about 50 houses that were mandated to switch from septic to county sewer. I was running with a crazy cousin of mine at the time that used meth on a daily basis so of course I myself was starting to use it more frequently than my previous habit, which at that point I had recently gotten out of jail after doing a year for my fifth DUI so I haven't touched the stuff in about 13 months. Or anything else for that matter. Well, this cousin of mine and myself would drive around all night drinking, smoking dope and doing speed and I was starting to see some scary people that only slept one or two nights out of the week like my cousin. As for myself, I was able to crash a couple hours at least every day in order to keep up my responsibility with working for my father. I was able to do this by powering the meth by just smoking and drinking more than the speed so my sexual habit was for the most part arrested. This though is where a lot of my fear and paranoia started creeping in.
I was able at this time to confess my shameful sexual secrets to this cousin of mine and one of my brothers and my father who all told me not to worry about it and just learn from it. I did do this but at the same time I felt as if my dirty little secrets were really just an open book for anyone to read which put me on the defensive for about a year or more. I guess even to this day to a certain degree. Anyways, from that time on I've been fearful of being suspected by not only family, peers and strangers of being some kind of sexual predator but also the law enforcement. During that time I was always walking around with a 14 inch pipe wrench up my sleeve ready for violence which thank God has never come. I eventually became so frightened that I stopped using drugs and alcohol completely in order that I would be clear headed if a confrontation ever did arise.
I was about 4 months into this sobriety that I met this wonderful Japanese girl and nearly all my fears melted away. This happened in March 1995. I was 27 years old. I became so into her and vice versa that I think in some respect, she was simply a replacement for my drinking and I was her replacement for whatever insecurities she had in her life. I was sober with her occasionally drinking wine which never bothered me until our second New Years Eve together when we met up with a couple of her girlfriends and they all urged me to have a beer, that it was New Years Eve and my birthday. What could it hurt? I thought I could handle a couple beers. Of course I couldn't and I ended up drinking more mugs of beer in the bar we rang out the end of the year in. It didn't matter to my girlfriend, though. She didn't realize how I felt about myself and my weakness the next morning. Regardless of my feelings, I was so in love and happy that she was still with me that I was determined not to drink ever again as long as we were together.
That lasted about another one and a half years. After that period of sobriety up until Sept. 2000, my drinking sprees became closer and closer and my girlfriend began to see me more closely in my depressions an for what I really am. During this time I was always working steady and she was always very supportive and compassionate because I had told her from the very beginning of our relationship the extent of the shame and guilt from which my addiction had grown. It was still too much a strain on her to watch me go down hill so in the summer of 2000, she decided to take a break from school and more likely so, a break from me and went back to Japan to live with her mother. I thought it was the end. That whole summer was a blur from tying it on with my brother and my father that by the time September rolled around I was in pretty bad shape and actually hearing voices and seeing this evil little man in my mind's eye. I checked myself into emergency for the night and that was the beginning of my 7 year stint of sobriety.
I never wronged this young woman physically or financially but I caused her some grief that she would not have known if she never began this relationship that developed between us of which I'm at fault. Nevertheless she returned without any plea from me unannounced to begin the fall semester at the junior college near where I was living and things were more or less back to a positive relationship as to how it started out. The only thing that was still missing was my purpose in life which for the next 7 years I was still battling my depressions on rare occasions, 2 or 3 times a year I would sink into a pit of fear and despair that would sometimes last for a week and which neither of us including my family could help get me out of. I never drink to medicate these feelings away but sometimes I wouldn't leave the house for two or three days. I was fortunate to have very understanding employers during these bouts that knew my problem and would allow me these breaks from the real world. During the first two years of the seven that I stayed sober because I had great employers and was making really good money, I was also able to visit Japan a few times and pay my way through some very good language academies there. I really felt like I was doing something good with my life which I was but without God to guide me through why it was good there was still that God-shaped hole in my heart that remained unfilled.
It was Sept. 2002 that I felt there was nothing left that I could get from my family and the place I had grown up so without telling a single soul except my girlfriend who had gone to Japan for a couple of weeks to straighten out her student Visa status, I withdrew all my money from my accounts bought a ticket and flew to Japan convincing myself I would never return home to see my family in order that they should never worry about me again. It never occurred to me until after I started drinking again how much I was hurting and still am to this day and every day I don't speak to them or see them. All that I really cared about was being with this beautiful girl. Nothing else mattered.
The rest is far too much for tonight, I can't even think straight right now; been drinking (surprise, surprise). I'll continue this sometime real soon. Somewhat unlikely, but I'll try.
·Anonymous J — 15.2 years ago, 12 minutes later, 12 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,222
@previous (A)
i still not getting what your're trying to says. i said , the first 3 moths when no on know it it is legit. it can't now keep up with prizes claim so it's jut a scam. are you know english?
i still not getting what your're trying to says. i said , the first 3 moths when no on know it it is legit. it can't now keep up with prizes claim so it's jut a scam. are you know english?
+Anonymous N — 15.2 years ago, 14 minutes later, 12 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,224
OP seems to be practicing English. Move along.
+Murray !XONm83jaIU — 15.2 years ago, 1 hour later, 14 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,236
+Namefag !G2z6UO/ojA — 15.2 years ago, 3 hours later, 17 hours after the original post[T] [B] #117,307
+Netrogo !AiQkqOKm/c — 15.2 years ago, 18 hours later, 1 day after the original post[T] [B] #117,482
All I've taken from this is that OP is 44 years old, and apparently a drug addled loser.
+UnlimitedInfinity !nyxu4TINrM — 15.2 years ago, 15 hours later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #117,650
·FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI — 15.2 years ago, 1 minute later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #117,651
·UnlimitedInfinity !nyxu4TINrM — 15.2 years ago, 36 seconds later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #117,652
·Gentlemen !22M2wEkk5k — 15.2 years ago, 6 hours later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #117,712
tl;dr·FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI — 15.2 years ago, 15 hours later, 3 days after the original post[T] [B] #117,955
+phallus99 !2C04uEDIuE — 15.2 years ago, 1 minute later, 3 days after the original post[T] [B] #117,958
WHAT
+Anonymous T — 15.2 years ago, 8 minutes later, 3 days after the original post[T] [B] #117,966
+Voice of !WisdomHsuU — 15.2 years ago, 1 minute later, 3 days after the original post[T] [B] #117,968
Tifa knelt by the window with her arms were rested on the window sill. She sighed in contentment, gazing outside. Cloud was out front, mowing the lawn. His shirt was off, which was a big turn-on for Tifa, his wife of two weeks. Tifa laughed as she realized she could stare at him all day. She was rather sad he would finish eventually. He worked out everyday, and his chest really showed that. He was the sexiest man Tifa ever saw.
That didn’t make Tifa fall in love with him, though. They grew up together, and they had secret crushes on each other throughout adolescence. Cloud proposed to her the day after their long adventure, and she immediately accepted. She would never forget that moment, when she felt like she and Cloud were alone in space. They married a week after he proposed, and were rarely seen outside after that.
Anyways, back to the story. Tifa was in the master bedroom on the second floor of their new house, watching the man of her dreams cut the grass. The twenty-year-old woman was watching him mow the lawn for the seventh time. It was a hobby of hers, and the fact that they had a huge yard and that it would take Cloud an extra long time to cut it. Watching how strong he was, she would not move for anything.
Suddenly, Tifa felt a slight rumble in her stomach, but she ignored it. She was having too good of a time watching Cloud. The best par the the mowing routine was the end, when he would come upstairs to shower. Right before he entered the bathroom, she would ask Cloud if they could take a shower together. They would always end up kissing throughout the shower, and they would leave in a better mood than ever. She was so sure he would let her shower with her that she was not wearing underwear under her black mini-skirt.
She felt her stomach rumble again, and sighed. She really didn’t want to leave. She wanted tay tay there for the longest time, watching he husband do the yard. Of course she knew he would do it again, and again, and again, but she cherished every minute of watching him, she could not bear to stop.
Tifa’s stomach rumbled again, louder than the first two times. She realized she had to think of what to do, and quickly. She could run and return immediately, but then she would miss some of the lawn mowing. Her second option was to stay and clean up after herself, but the fear of getting caught made her feel uneasy. This feeling caused her stomach to rumble more. Tifa looked down. The floor was a brand new and very expensive tile floor. It was not a very pleasant idea for her to mess it up.
“Whatever,” muttered Tifa. “When a girl has to shit, a girl has to shit!”
Tifa’s black skirt was actually a wrap-around, and it was easy to remove. Soon, she was bottomless.
Tifa took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She pushed and grunted over again, until she felt her anus stretch.
“This is it!” she said aloud, while still pushing and grunting. A crackling sound filled her ears as the turd finally slid out of her body. It was a hard one, dark brown and compressed together. And boy did it stink. Tifa didn’t mind the smell of her own droppings, but she knew it would be difficulty to get away with this.
With Tifa’s shit sitting on the floor, she felt slightly relieved. Tifa let out a long, gassy fart. She giggled, for she tended to have gassy poops. Her relief soon ended, however, as she felt another log traveling from her colon to her rectum. She pushed again, and the turd began to slide out. Unfortunately for poor Tifa, it got stuck halfway.
“I’ll bet that feels good!” said Cloud from behind her.
Tifa immediately jumped up in shock. She was so focused on expelling what was in her gorgeous bowels that Cloud finished the lawn and came up to the bedroom. So there she was, standing there, in a white t-shirt, white socks, red sneakers, and no pants or underwear, and with five inches of shit sticking out of her ass in front of the love of her life. Tifa began to cry, and Cloud approached her and hugged her. She didn’t care her shirt became drenched with his sweat. She wanted her man. She even felt a bulge in his pants, and realized that her taking a dump turned him on.
To Tifa’s surprise, Cloud turned her around and lowered her onto her hands and knees. Tifa was puzzled at first, wondering what he would do, but that puzzle was soon solved as Cloud guided his dicwardward her anus and the shit that hung from it. Cloud moaned as Tifa’s warm poo mashed against his dick. They had had anal sex many timesbefore, but never with a huge turd stuck in Tifa's ass!
Suddenly, Cloud’s dick set the poo that had been stuck in Tifa’s ass free. Tifa’s rectum expelled turdturd. Tifa farted again, and Cloud felt a pleasant breeze on his member.
“Thanks!” exclaimed Tifa.
“Hey, no problem,” said Cloud. “I’m going to shower. Wanna get in there with me?
Tifa struggled to breathe. She and Cloud were at their favorite mall, making out in their favorite corner. They were running their hands over each other, and they knew other people could see, but they didn’t care.
Tifa had worn her tight pair of jean shorts today to show off her butt for Cloud. He always told her how her butt was pretty nice, so she wanted him to see it as much as possible. Cloud put his hands on Tifa’s butt and pushed her into him. Tifa giggled as she felt a bulge in Cloud’s pants.
Suddenly, Tifa desperately freed herself from Cloud's arms. She really had to poop. She told Cloud she needed to run for a second and disappeared into the ladies room. It had only two stalls, and she was the only one in there, so Tifa picked the one nearest to the window and locked the door. She unbuttoned her short jean shorts and wriggle out of them. She hung them on the hook and slipped off her panties, also putting them on the hook. With that, she sat on the toilet, her butt dropping way down into the bowl, with her cheeks being pulled apart in the process.
It was very quiet in the bathroom, and Tifa was kind of spooked. She soon changed that, however, with a windy little fart. Suddenly, Tifa felt her butt hole open up and a little chunk of shit fell out with a splash. The splash seemed to echo forever in the quite restroom. She pushed a little and two more chunks dropped one after another with loud splashes.
She was slightly disappointed, for she thought she was full of droppings. Tifa farted a few more times and felt her butt open again. The smile returned to her face, realizing that a bigger turd wanted out this time. Tifa found it weird hearing the crackle around her anus. The log slid out very slowly, and Tifa could hear nd fnd feel it. Tifa enjoyed the feeling of defecating. Knowing Cloud couldn’t give her anal sex all the time, it was a good substitute.
Tifa’s poo dropped without a splash. She looked down at it, it was about 7 inches long and 2 inches wide, which is normal for her. To her horror, it was stuck halfway! Tifa continued to push and groan, as if she was in labor, but it was no use. The shit did not move. A tear slid down Tifa’s face, realizing she wasn’t going anywhere for a while.
Just then, to Tifa’s surprise, she heard the bathroom door open.
“I'll bet a girl named Tifa is taking a dump in here!”
Tifa’s face turned bright red when she recognized the voice. It was Cloud!
“In here, Cloud!” called Tifa as she unlocked the stall door. She didn’t care what she was doing. She wanted to be with Cloud again.
“Phew! Tifa, what’d you eat?!” demanded Cloud as he opened the door.
“We just had a pepperoni pizza!” replied Tifa.
“So what’s taking so long?”
“Ummm.................I’m a bit constipated.”
“A bit?!”
Tifa giggled.
“Let me see,” ordered Cloud.
Tifa got up off the toilet, turned around, and bent over. Cloud gazed at the shit hanging from his wife’s gorgeous ass. Cloud tried prying her anus with his fingers, but to no avail.
“Ow! Oow! Ooooowwwwww! Cloud, stop it!” snapped Tifa.
“Sorry,” said Cloud. “I thing I have a more painless idea. Sit on the toilet again.”
Tifa sat back down on the toilet. To her surprise, Cloud pulled his pants down and positioned his cock at the entrance of Tifa’s pussy. Before she could say anything, Cloud began to thrust, slowly at first, but gradually picking up speed. Tifa moaned loudly in responds to Cloud’s love. Soon it happened. Tifa clutched the toilet seat as she orgasm,ed, and to her surprise, the turd that was stuck I her ass dropped right into the bowl.
“Oh Cloud, thank you!” said Tifa as she threw her arms around him, buried her face in his chest, and began to rock him. While she was doing this, she continued to fart loudly and gassily, and dropped chunks into the toilet, but Cloud ignored them It was a job well done.
But all good things must come to an end. The bathroom door opened, and the cops came in. They marched right over to the lovers’ stall and grabbed Cloud and dragged him off of Tifa.
As the police dragged Cloud out, Tifa let out one last fart to set him off.
The shower water sprinkled out of the nozzle as the naked girl spread it out all over her gorgeous body. Cloud was mowing the lawn again, but this time Tifa decided to stay in the shower. She still had a good view of him through the window, and it was possible that the neighbors could see her, but she didn’t care.
Tifa had not been feeling too good for the past few days. She wasn’t sick, she had just been eating a lot lately, then taking ipecac so she wouldn’t get fat.
Soon her loneliness ended. She let out a sigh of relief as she heard the Cloud knock on the bathroom door.
“How are you feeling, Tifa?” asked Cloud, politely as he tried to catch his breath.
“I feel terrible!” giggled Tifa. “Come in!”
With that, the door opened. Cloud was a gentleman, for he would often check on her, yet never come in when Tifa was showering until she gave him permission. He even stood at the bathroom door if she didn’t. Cloud walked in, put the toilet lid down, and had a seat.
“How’s the lawn?” asked Tifa sweetly.
“Boy, it’s getting tougher each time,” replied Cloud.
“Don’t tell me you’re getting old!” joked Tifa.
Cloud laughed back. “Well, it is 90 degrees out, and I’m drenched. Plus, I had to take the trash out.”
A big smile appeared on Tifa’s face. That was the cue he wanted to get into the shower with her. He was too shy to ask explicitly, and Tifa liked that.
“Well,” began Tifa, trying to hide her excitement, “can you do me a couple of favors?”
“What?”
“I forgot my clothes. Would you mind getting them for me?”
“Sure!” exclaimed Cloud. “And the other?”
“When you bring my clothes in, get your naked butt in here and kiss me!”
Slowly, the realization came to her. She needed to poop, and real bad at that.
Gathering her courage, Tifa crossed her legs real tight holding it, then she took one step out of the shower.
“So far, so good,” whispered Tifa to herself.
She took another step toward the toilet, but, suddenly, she started to leak liquid shit! She felt it oozing down her leg, and realized the trouble she was in. She stood there with her legs crossed really tight, holding her poop in and trying to think what to do.
Her thoughts were soon interrupted. Cloud returned to the bathroom without warning. Worse, he had pressed up against Tifa’s back and put one hand on her shoulder. He had startled her, and she started to poop on him! Horrified, Tifa jumped out of the shower and sat on the toilet. Unfortunately, she had forgotten to put the lid up, so she made a mess on the lid. Tifa wanted to relax, but she couldn’t because she knew what she had done. Eventually, she got the lid up, then finally relaxed and just let it all out in the toilet.
Tifa was farting bad and the stink was even worse. She was crying her eyes out at the mess she made. It wasn’t that she had never messed herself before, but never a bathroom.
“I’m sorry, Tifa” cooed Cloud as he wrapped his arms around the shitting girl. “Just let everything out, babe, I’ll clean up.” With that, Cloud picked up a roll of paper towels and kneaded some into a wad. Tifa felt guilty as he wiped the waste off the floor. She understood very well why she loved that man. She even cried a little as he wiped her shit off of him. She just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
Soon, she was done. She got up off the toilet and flushed, although that didn’t really do anything to kill the smell. Tifa put the lid down, revealing the shit on the lid. Cloud made another wad of paper towels, and then cleaned Tifa’s droppings off of the lid.
“Shit!” grumbled Cloud.
“What happened?” asked Tifa.
“I ran out of paper towels.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Bend over,” ordered Cloud.
Tifa did as she was told. She felt funny to stick her ass up at Cloud when he told her to bend over. Suddenly, she felt a strange feeling behind her. It was almost as if a snake was on her, and she soon realized what was happening. He was eating the waste off of Tifa’s back! Tifa gasped and put her hands over her mouth. She knew Cloud would do a lot for her, but she couldn’t believe he would eat her droppings. Tifa stood in shock as Cloud continued to lap up her feces. She could hear him swallow it, too, and giggle at how much he cared for her.
“Just relax yourself,” said Cloud softly as he swallowed a glob of Tifa’s poop. Tifa felt awful that he was going through all this trouble just for her, but she did just that. She didn't even care as she just let even more poop come out and pee leak out of her. Cloud quickly lapped it all up, and swallowed.
“That’s good, Tifa, just let everything out,” said Cloud again. Tifa farted and giggled, and soon all the waste was off of her. They then filled the tub and took a long, romantic bath together. Then they made love. Tifa realized how lucky she was to have a man like Cloud. It was a good day with a good dump, one that she would look forward to again.
Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, Cid, Barret, Cait Sith, Vincent, Red XIII, and Yuffie were out in the park, seated at the picnic table. They had just finished lunch and were presently talking about memories past.
Tifa suddenly stood up and headed for the bathroom. Cloud grinned, knowing what was about to happen. He winked at Tifa and pretended he didn't know. She was his, but still hot. Everyone would be turned off if they had known about her shit shenanigans.
"Thank the Planet were were so close to the bathroom," she laughed when she got there.
Then, out of the blue, she saw the dreaded sign on the ladies' room door.
OUT OF ORDER
"Fuck," groaned Tifa. "Why are all my bowel movements turning into nightmares?"
With a sigh, she went around behind the barn. It was rather secluded, with trees and leaves keeping her well hidden, a good place for a girl to discharge excretement.
"I'll do this quickly," whispered Tifa as she began to undo her wrap-around black skirt. She carefully removed her panties, as not to stain them.
Tifa stretched her anus wide and felt something slide out from behind. Now there was 4 inches sticking out, 4 fat inches of girl-poo. Tifa continued to push, but the turd would no longer budge.
"COME ON YOU LITTLE BITCH DON'T TEASE ME!" Tifa squealed.
"TIFA?!" cried a familiar soprano.
Tifa turned around in shock.
"AERIS!" she cried in a similar tone. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
"Isn't it obvious," she giggled.
With that, Aeris slipped off her red jacket and began to unbutton her pink dress. She hung it on the branch of a nearby tree, as Tifa noticed Aeris wasn't wearing a bra nor panties, just her shoes.
"This is so damn scary!" laughed Tifa as she continued to push.
"Right!" giggled Aeris as she squatted. The two girls began to shit in unison.
Suddenly, a tear rolled down Aeris' face.
"What's wrong?" Tifa asked her friend.
"Oh, this just reminds me of an experiance with my first boyfriend, Zack."
With that, Aeris closed her beautiful green eyes and began.
"Zack and I were driving through northern Midgar on the highways. Wel,l I always vowed never to shit or even fart in front of a guy. It just wasn't a lady like thing to do. Until then. And it was in the most embarrassing unlady like fashion. We originally came from Kalm and were on our way to Junon. I remember eating a huge breakfast before we left, but I couldn't shit then so I decided to hold it until we reached Junon. In situations like these, I never succumbed to defeat, so I was pretty confident my butthole would become victorious in the battle against the turds knocking on the door, and I could take care of my business properly like a lady should.
"Anyways, during the entire trip I'd feel my stomach turn and the pain increase as time went on. I just told myself 'you can make it, Aeris girl' and thought about other things. It wasn't until we were about 1 hour away from the outskirts of Junon that I thought this could be the one battle I'm defeated in. There must have been tons of waste backed up in my bowels, and it was attacking my asshole with no mercy. I cleanched my buttcheeks together with full force and told myself to hold out for an hour until we got to the hotel. Due to my nervousness and the thought of impending doom caused me to sweat all over prefusely, and the sweat build-up in my asscrack only seemed to act as a lubricant. Defeat seemed inevitable, and the pain in my intestines was unbearable. And Zack started to notice. He looked over concerned and asked me what was wrong. I was biting my lip and the look of pain across my face was obvious, and I couldn't answer. He asked again, and slowly I asked if we could pull over to a nearby restroom. The sign showed the nearest place a restroom would be, would be about 15 minutes. I couldn't wait that long, and was terrified by what might happen. I continued to strain, but that did no good.
"Then the turd poked its head from out of my rectum. I was wearing a navy blue colored short skirt with no underwear, so the turd obviously hit the surface of seat. I screamed for him to pull over, and confused, he did. I had no other choice, I figured shitting on myself in the car would be more humiliating and would ruin my tights. So I quickly jumped out the car, and thank God I was wearing a skirt so I could pull it up rather quickly, and I squatted, right in front of my boyfriend, cleanched my buttcheeks with my hands as my asshole had the diameter of a tennis ball and I unleashed my stinky brown load. It was watery and lumpy and the same time. I could hear the shit hitting the ground as I was squatting here off the side of the highway. I was completely disgusting. God knows what the people were thinking who were driving by when they saw some woman shitting her guts out on the side of the highway. And it horrified me to know what my boyfriend was thinking. Shit must've poured out of my ass for a good 2 minutes.
"My ego and pride were shattered, and with my head down I asked my boyfriend for something to wipe my ass with. He got out of the car with a look of disbelief on his face and opened the trunk and grabbed some rags for me. Completely defeated, humiliated, and embarrrassed, I wiped my asshole thoroughly and wiped the tiny shit-stain on the inside of my tights, and pulled them back up. I looked at my load on the ground and was startled at how huge a dump I took. We both got in the car and I was too embarrassed to say anything or give an explanation. He looked just as shocked and disgusted as I was. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life."
"What happened after that?" asked Tifa, with a tear rolling down her cheek. She realized she was really touched by the story.
"I pooped on my skirt so it was ruined. When I lamented this, he was like, 'Don't worry, it's just a skirt,' and he ripped it off with a big smile, leaving me in a shirt but no pants, like you are now. Well, we eualluallly got to Junon and we went to the restaurant as usual. The waiter was so polite, even though I'm sure he knew I was bottomless. Zack and I sat down in a booth and had a wonderful talk."
By this time, the final inches of feces had slid out of Aeris' anus. She plucked a leaf from a nearby tree and wiped her butt. Tifa, who still had five inches of poo hanging from her anus, sighed in disappointment. She would soon be alone again. But her spirits were lifted when Aeris did something very unexpected: Before dressing, she hugged her friend and pecked her on the cheek.
Tifa was a closet bisexual, and Cloud knew, but she had never been kissed by a girl before. She realized this was the beginning of something more.
Okay, why is the code tag broken?
(Edited 1 minute later.)
+UnlimitedInfinity !nyxu4TINrM — 15.2 years ago, 1 hour later, 3 days after the original post[T] [B] #117,992
·FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI — 15.2 years ago, 2 hours later, 3 days after the original post[T] [B] #118,010
@previous (UnlimitedInfinity !nyxu4TINrM)
no, I just don't know how it's humanly possible for you to have responded so quickly
no, I just don't know how it's humanly possible for you to have responded so quickly
·UnlimitedInfinity !nyxu4TINrM — 15.2 years ago, 9 hours later, 3 days after the original post[T] [B] #118,049
·FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI — 15.2 years ago, 3 hours later, 3 days after the original post[T] [B] #118,157
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