Topic: When conspiracy comes true
+Anonymous A — 1.1 year ago #65,553
Alex Jones, the host of *InfoWars*, along with the host of *X22 Report*, and an enigmatic figure from the QAnon movement, were in the middle of a high-energy podcast episode when, without warning, a bright light engulfed them. Their microphones fizzled out, the studio vanished, and they felt a strange pull, like being yanked through the fabric of space and time.
When the light faded, they found themselves standing in an unfamiliar world—one eerily similar to their own, but different in all the wrong ways.
"Where... where are we?" Alex stammered, looking around at the distorted landscape. In the distance, towering 5G cell towers emitted strange beams of light, sweeping across the city like searchlights.
"Those... those are Obama’s towers!" yelled the QAnon figure, his eyes widening. "They’re shooting lasers at people!"
The group ducked behind a wall just in time to avoid a blast of crimson light that scorched the pavement where they’d been standing. A man across the street, wearing a pro-Second Amendment shirt, screamed as one of the beams hit him. His eyes glazed over, and within seconds, he dropped his sign and started chanting praise to the Democratic Party.
"Obama's controlling them!" Alex shouted, "Just like we always said! It’s happening!"
They sprinted through the streets, dodging more beams as they ran. Everywhere they looked, people were in a strange state, muttering eerie chants about loyalty to the Democratic Party. Suddenly, a massive hurricane cloud formed overhead, seemingly out of nowhere.
"It’s the Illuminati!" yelled the X22 host. "They’re creating hurricanes to distract us from the truth! We gotta keep moving!"
As they neared the center of the city, they found themselves outside a building that looked all too familiar—Disneyland. A parade of people dressed in rainbow-colored outfits marched toward the gates, and over a loudspeaker, an announcer boomed: "Welcome to Disney’s newest attraction: The Ride That’ll Make You Gay!"
"See! Disney's brainwashing everyone!" Alex screamed. "They’ve been trying to turn people gay this whole time! I knew it!"
Inside the park, they could hear parents arguing with cast members, who were bizarrely cutting children’s hair without the consent of their parents. It was total chaos.
As they ducked into a nearby alley to catch their breath, they noticed a strange figure slinking out of the shadows. He had horns, glowing red eyes, and carried a pitchfork.
"It’s... it’s him," Alex whispered, shaking. "The Devil. He’s real. He lives in the basement of the White House, just like we’ve always said!"
"We have to go to Mar-a-Lago," said the QAnon figure, trying to sound composed. "That’s the only safe place now. But the Democrats are trying to take it over!"
They made their way south, past a Universal Studios theme park, where they witnessed an actual satanic ritual happening in Diagon Alley. Wizards in black robes summoned strange symbols in the air, worshipping dark entities.
By the time they reached Mar-a-Lago, it was too late. Armed Democratic National Committee forces had seized the compound, their flag flying high above the iconic property.
"This is worse than I ever imagined," Alex muttered, his face pale. "Biden’s a Nazi, Kamala’s repealing the Bill of Rights, the Illuminati controls the weather, and they’ve outlawed Bitcoin. Paper money’s gone, and they’re making everyone use Visa. We’re finished."
Just as they were about to give in to despair, a blinding light appeared once more, and the ground beneath them started to shake.
When the light faded again, they found themselves back in their podcast studio. The microphones were intact, the studio was quiet, and outside, the world looked… normal.
"I... I don’t know what just happened," said the X22 host, rubbing his eyes. "But maybe... just maybe... it’s not as bad as we thought."
Alex nodded slowly. "Yeah. At least in our world, we still have a chance to fight back. This other place... was a nightmare."
For a moment, there was silence. Then, Alex leaned forward into his microphone, a wild glint back in his eyes. "But remember, folks, that nightmare could become a reality if we don’t stay vigilant! The deep state is always just one step away from pulling the strings!"
When the light faded, they found themselves standing in an unfamiliar world—one eerily similar to their own, but different in all the wrong ways.
"Where... where are we?" Alex stammered, looking around at the distorted landscape. In the distance, towering 5G cell towers emitted strange beams of light, sweeping across the city like searchlights.
"Those... those are Obama’s towers!" yelled the QAnon figure, his eyes widening. "They’re shooting lasers at people!"
The group ducked behind a wall just in time to avoid a blast of crimson light that scorched the pavement where they’d been standing. A man across the street, wearing a pro-Second Amendment shirt, screamed as one of the beams hit him. His eyes glazed over, and within seconds, he dropped his sign and started chanting praise to the Democratic Party.
"Obama's controlling them!" Alex shouted, "Just like we always said! It’s happening!"
They sprinted through the streets, dodging more beams as they ran. Everywhere they looked, people were in a strange state, muttering eerie chants about loyalty to the Democratic Party. Suddenly, a massive hurricane cloud formed overhead, seemingly out of nowhere.
"It’s the Illuminati!" yelled the X22 host. "They’re creating hurricanes to distract us from the truth! We gotta keep moving!"
As they neared the center of the city, they found themselves outside a building that looked all too familiar—Disneyland. A parade of people dressed in rainbow-colored outfits marched toward the gates, and over a loudspeaker, an announcer boomed: "Welcome to Disney’s newest attraction: The Ride That’ll Make You Gay!"
"See! Disney's brainwashing everyone!" Alex screamed. "They’ve been trying to turn people gay this whole time! I knew it!"
Inside the park, they could hear parents arguing with cast members, who were bizarrely cutting children’s hair without the consent of their parents. It was total chaos.
As they ducked into a nearby alley to catch their breath, they noticed a strange figure slinking out of the shadows. He had horns, glowing red eyes, and carried a pitchfork.
"It’s... it’s him," Alex whispered, shaking. "The Devil. He’s real. He lives in the basement of the White House, just like we’ve always said!"
"We have to go to Mar-a-Lago," said the QAnon figure, trying to sound composed. "That’s the only safe place now. But the Democrats are trying to take it over!"
They made their way south, past a Universal Studios theme park, where they witnessed an actual satanic ritual happening in Diagon Alley. Wizards in black robes summoned strange symbols in the air, worshipping dark entities.
By the time they reached Mar-a-Lago, it was too late. Armed Democratic National Committee forces had seized the compound, their flag flying high above the iconic property.
"This is worse than I ever imagined," Alex muttered, his face pale. "Biden’s a Nazi, Kamala’s repealing the Bill of Rights, the Illuminati controls the weather, and they’ve outlawed Bitcoin. Paper money’s gone, and they’re making everyone use Visa. We’re finished."
Just as they were about to give in to despair, a blinding light appeared once more, and the ground beneath them started to shake.
When the light faded again, they found themselves back in their podcast studio. The microphones were intact, the studio was quiet, and outside, the world looked… normal.
"I... I don’t know what just happened," said the X22 host, rubbing his eyes. "But maybe... just maybe... it’s not as bad as we thought."
Alex nodded slowly. "Yeah. At least in our world, we still have a chance to fight back. This other place... was a nightmare."
For a moment, there was silence. Then, Alex leaned forward into his microphone, a wild glint back in his eyes. "But remember, folks, that nightmare could become a reality if we don’t stay vigilant! The deep state is always just one step away from pulling the strings!"
+Anonymous B — 1.1 year ago, 16 minutes later[T] [B] #657,439
There are two grammatical errors here that I noticed, please take the time to proofread these before you submit your final post. The preview button is there for a reason, people!
+Anonymous C — 1.1 year ago, 4 hours later, 4 hours after the original post[T] [B] #657,443
> wall of text> reddit spacing
> conspiracy in the headline
yep, it's a schizopost
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