Topic: Councillor
+Anonymous A — 2.1 years ago #64,136
HORATIO : "HI, PEOPLE! I'M HORATIO AND THIS IS SAMANTHA. AND WE'RE YOUR ORIENTATION COUNCILLORS!"
SAMANTHA : "WE'RE BASICALLY HERE TO HELP YOU TO GET TO KNOW THE NEW SCHOOL AND YOUR NEW FRIENDS BETTER!"
HORATIO : "YUP! AND WE BE DOING THIS MOSTLY THROUGH A SERIES OF ACTIVITIES AND GAMES DESIGNED TO PROMOTE SOCIAL INTERACTION!
LIKE 'WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER?'"
SAMANTHA : "HORATIO! BEHAVE!"
SAMANTHA : "WE'RE BASICALLY HERE TO HELP YOU TO GET TO KNOW THE NEW SCHOOL AND YOUR NEW FRIENDS BETTER!"
HORATIO : "YUP! AND WE BE DOING THIS MOSTLY THROUGH A SERIES OF ACTIVITIES AND GAMES DESIGNED TO PROMOTE SOCIAL INTERACTION!
LIKE 'WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER?'"
SAMANTHA : "HORATIO! BEHAVE!"
+Anonymous B — 2 years ago, 2 weeks later[T] [B] #645,410
My father calls me names
I have a communication problem at home.
My family members dislike me. My father calls me names like Longbean.
My mother is very busy with my elder brother. She pampers him by giving him everything he wants. She has no time for me.
I am the youngest in the family and my two sisters dislike me tagging along with them wherever they go.
I feel unloved. I am not allowed to go out with my friends, unlike my sisters.
I feel like a maid and a prisoner. I take every chance to avoid my family. I feel like moving out but I have no one to depend on.
Prisoner
I have a communication problem at home.
My family members dislike me. My father calls me names like Longbean.
My mother is very busy with my elder brother. She pampers him by giving him everything he wants. She has no time for me.
I am the youngest in the family and my two sisters dislike me tagging along with them wherever they go.
I feel unloved. I am not allowed to go out with my friends, unlike my sisters.
I feel like a maid and a prisoner. I take every chance to avoid my family. I feel like moving out but I have no one to depend on.
Prisoner
+Anonymous C — 2 years ago, 6 hours later, 2 weeks after the original post[T] [B] #645,414
Consoler... Councilor... Counsellor? I never really know which to use.
+Anonymous D — 2 years ago, 15 hours later, 2 weeks after the original post[T] [B] #645,448
Dilbert / Scott Adams
DOGBERT : "TRY THIS LITTLE TRICK TO IMPROVE YOUR CAREER...
ANYTIME YOU WANT SOMETHING YOUR WAY, SIMPLY REFER TO YOUR CEO BY HIS FIRST NAME AND SAY HE GAVE YOU DIRECTIONS DURING YOUR VERY RECENT MEETING.
IT'S TOTALLY UNVERIFIABLE PEOPLE WILL FEAR YOU AND DO AS YOU SAY. YOU'LL RULE WITH AN IRON FIST!"
DILBERT : "YOU'ARE A FUNNY LITTLE DOG."
DOGBERT : "TRY THIS LITTLE TRICK TO IMPROVE YOUR CAREER...
ANYTIME YOU WANT SOMETHING YOUR WAY, SIMPLY REFER TO YOUR CEO BY HIS FIRST NAME AND SAY HE GAVE YOU DIRECTIONS DURING YOUR VERY RECENT MEETING.
IT'S TOTALLY UNVERIFIABLE PEOPLE WILL FEAR YOU AND DO AS YOU SAY. YOU'LL RULE WITH AN IRON FIST!"
DILBERT : "YOU'ARE A FUNNY LITTLE DOG."
+Anonymous E — 2 years ago, 3 days later, 2 weeks after the original post[T] [B] #645,560
@645,410 (B)
> My father calls me names
>
> I have a communication problem at home.
>
> My family members dislike me. My father calls me names like Longbean.
>
> My mother is very busy with my elder brother. She pampers him by giving him everything he wants. She has no time for me.
>
> I am the youngest in the family and my two sisters dislike me tagging along with them wherever they go.
>
> I feel unloved. I am not allowed to go out with my friends, unlike my sisters.
>
> I feel like a maid and a prisoner. I take every chance to avoid my family. I feel like moving out but I have no one to depend on.
>
> Prisoner
COUNSELLOR SAYS
Your family seem rather indifferent to you. But how do you behave with them?
You have built up a "wall", alienating yourself from the rest of your family. Avoiding them will not build a better relationship either.
You did not mention your age. I assume you are a teenager. It is not unusual for teenagers to feel alienated. It is a transition stage when you are neither a child nor an adult.
Tell your family how you feel. Take the initiative to talk to them.
Don't be too sensitive about your family calling you names. It may be his way of showing affection. If you do not like it, tell him. But do it sensibly as not to offend him.
> My father calls me names
>
> I have a communication problem at home.
>
> My family members dislike me. My father calls me names like Longbean.
>
> My mother is very busy with my elder brother. She pampers him by giving him everything he wants. She has no time for me.
>
> I am the youngest in the family and my two sisters dislike me tagging along with them wherever they go.
>
> I feel unloved. I am not allowed to go out with my friends, unlike my sisters.
>
> I feel like a maid and a prisoner. I take every chance to avoid my family. I feel like moving out but I have no one to depend on.
>
> Prisoner
COUNSELLOR SAYS
Your family seem rather indifferent to you. But how do you behave with them?
You have built up a "wall", alienating yourself from the rest of your family. Avoiding them will not build a better relationship either.
You did not mention your age. I assume you are a teenager. It is not unusual for teenagers to feel alienated. It is a transition stage when you are neither a child nor an adult.
Tell your family how you feel. Take the initiative to talk to them.
Don't be too sensitive about your family calling you names. It may be his way of showing affection. If you do not like it, tell him. But do it sensibly as not to offend him.
+Anonymous F — 1.7 year ago, 3 months later, 4 months after the original post[T] [B] #648,263
Sailing in the sea with hottie will blow away all your problems!+Anonymous G — 1.3 year ago, 4 months later, 9 months after the original post[T] [B] #651,793
Dear Aunt Agony,
I had a party a couple of days ago. I was "high" that night and had sex with my 33-year-old Filipino maid.
Now she threatens to tell my wife. The maid has been working for us for nine months. She is reliable and hardworking, but now I would like to send her back to the Philippines.
- Mr R.
I had a party a couple of days ago. I was "high" that night and had sex with my 33-year-old Filipino maid.
Now she threatens to tell my wife. The maid has been working for us for nine months. She is reliable and hardworking, but now I would like to send her back to the Philippines.
- Mr R.
+Anonymous H — 1.3 year ago, 6 hours later, 9 months after the original post[T] [B] #651,800
@previous (G)
She is reliable and hardworking, but now I would like to send her back to the Philippines.
>
> - Mr R.
What kind of self important clown thinks they control someone like that?
I always get a chuckle with the guys at work that go after tail on the side, it just doesn't seem like it's worth getting married in the first place for those types. Usually their women are sleeping around too so it's pretty much a shitshow top to bottom.
She is reliable and hardworking, but now I would like to send her back to the Philippines.
>
> - Mr R.
What kind of self important clown thinks they control someone like that?
I always get a chuckle with the guys at work that go after tail on the side, it just doesn't seem like it's worth getting married in the first place for those types. Usually their women are sleeping around too so it's pretty much a shitshow top to bottom.
+Anonymous I — 1.3 year ago, 1 day later, 9 months after the original post[T] [B] #651,845
@651,793 (G)
Tell your wife everything that has happened. She has a right to know and you may find in her a strong ally after her initial anger has subsided.
Then both of you must decide what to do with the maid. But to be fair to the maid. She deserves your consideration too!
Tell your wife everything that has happened. She has a right to know and you may find in her a strong ally after her initial anger has subsided.
Then both of you must decide what to do with the maid. But to be fair to the maid. She deserves your consideration too!
+Anonymous J — 6 months ago, 9 months later, 1.5 year after the original post[T] [B] #671,165
JUDGE PARKERAS SOPHIE SEEKS DISTANCE FROM HER FAMILY...
REESA : "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?"
SOPHIE : "I HAVE AN IDEA. AND MAYBE YOU'D BE INTERESTED..."
ANOTHER FAMILY REUNITES...
ANN : "YOU BELIEVED IN ME, RANDY. YOU DIDN'T GIVE UP ON ME."
RANDY : "WE HAVE A FRESH START, ANN. WE CAN BE A FAMILY AGAIN."
+Anonymous K — 5 months ago, 1 month later, 1.6 year after the original post[T] [B] #673,583
A few months ago, I discovered I was not invited to my niece's wedding this summer. She is the daughter of my only sibling. I was told when I asked my sister if I needed to save the date. I have attended my sister's other two children's weddings.
I should include that I am an adult with Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder Level (ASD). I am also in my early 60s. ASD might make me awkward on occasion, have sensory disorder and feel discomfort in large groups and which I control by using strategies, but it would hopefully not have been part of the reason for my niece's decision.
I was told by my sister it was "immediate family only." The kicker is, it turns out it is not only immediate family because my two uncles will attend the wedding. My sister's close friends are also attending my niece's wedding.
I now have no desire to continue my relationship with my sister after learning this. The level of disrespect and dishonesty has left me feeling there would be no way to ever trust or feel emotionally safe around my sister. Neither my sister nor I have been absent from each other's children's lives, and I thought I had a a good relationship with my niece.
I am heartbroken. I question everything about what I thought our relationship was given how unkind this decision was.
I need to take an extended break from my sister and her family. Am I obligated to explain why?
- Disposable Aunt
I should include that I am an adult with Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder Level (ASD). I am also in my early 60s. ASD might make me awkward on occasion, have sensory disorder and feel discomfort in large groups and which I control by using strategies, but it would hopefully not have been part of the reason for my niece's decision.
I was told by my sister it was "immediate family only." The kicker is, it turns out it is not only immediate family because my two uncles will attend the wedding. My sister's close friends are also attending my niece's wedding.
I now have no desire to continue my relationship with my sister after learning this. The level of disrespect and dishonesty has left me feeling there would be no way to ever trust or feel emotionally safe around my sister. Neither my sister nor I have been absent from each other's children's lives, and I thought I had a a good relationship with my niece.
I am heartbroken. I question everything about what I thought our relationship was given how unkind this decision was.
I need to take an extended break from my sister and her family. Am I obligated to explain why?
- Disposable Aunt
+Anonymous L — 5 months ago, 2 days later, 1.6 year after the original post[T] [B] #673,739
@Disposable Aunt: I am so sorry. This is awfully hurtful, unnecessarily so. You're worthy of being thought of, and, if not invited, at least told the truth directly. Your sister may have thought she was doing the kind thing by keeping most of this information from you, but as we're seeing, intention and impact are not the same.
You don't need to explain why you're taking a break. Take the space you need to process this, to grieve it, and to talk to people you love and trust about what's going on. It's important that you keep hearing the true message that this is not about who you are or how you show up in social situations. I know that you've done a lot of work in your life to navigate being neurodivergent in a society that isn't accommodating or understanding. Try to get back to a place of remembering that the work you've done is important because it helps you, not because it helps others tolerate you. You're enough.
At a certain point, it will be useful to talk with your sister about how this situation affected you. Take the time you need to gather your thoughts and feelings on this. She won't be able to undo what's done, but it's important that you're heard.
You don't need to explain why you're taking a break. Take the space you need to process this, to grieve it, and to talk to people you love and trust about what's going on. It's important that you keep hearing the true message that this is not about who you are or how you show up in social situations. I know that you've done a lot of work in your life to navigate being neurodivergent in a society that isn't accommodating or understanding. Try to get back to a place of remembering that the work you've done is important because it helps you, not because it helps others tolerate you. You're enough.
At a certain point, it will be useful to talk with your sister about how this situation affected you. Take the time you need to gather your thoughts and feelings on this. She won't be able to undo what's done, but it's important that you're heard.
+Anonymous M — 4 months ago, 4 days later, 1.6 year after the original post[T] [B] #673,952
+Anonymous N — 4 months ago, 2 weeks later, 1.7 year after the original post[T] [B] #674,348
Hi, Aunt Agony: My boyfriend moved in with me last summer. I thought we both wanted it, but in hindsight, I think he may have been trying to give me a feeling of relationship progress without making the big leap of getting engaged.
There was maybe a three-month period where living together felt fun and exciting, then another couple of months where it felt comfortable and like we were settling into a routine, and since then it has felt like living with someone who has no interest in dating or has no interest in wooing me at all anymore.
My boyfriend likes to spend most evenings playing video games on his own, though if I negotiate, then we can have dinner together first. I don't mind his having that time to himself - I assume there would be many nights like this in marriage - but I feel like I traded my only chip, living together, and now we're already in the next phase, having skipped over the fun engagement phase entirely.
I know that's probably just a fantasy anyway, but now I really don't know what to do.
- Skipped the Fun Phase Entirely
There was maybe a three-month period where living together felt fun and exciting, then another couple of months where it felt comfortable and like we were settling into a routine, and since then it has felt like living with someone who has no interest in dating or has no interest in wooing me at all anymore.
My boyfriend likes to spend most evenings playing video games on his own, though if I negotiate, then we can have dinner together first. I don't mind his having that time to himself - I assume there would be many nights like this in marriage - but I feel like I traded my only chip, living together, and now we're already in the next phase, having skipped over the fun engagement phase entirely.
I know that's probably just a fantasy anyway, but now I really don't know what to do.
- Skipped the Fun Phase Entirely
+Anonymous O — 4 months ago, 1 week later, 1.7 year after the original post[T] [B] #674,513
Skipped the Fun Phase Entirely: Celebrate that you managed the crushing skid to divorce without the marriage, fighting and lawyers?
Sorry. Read the room, Hax.
I do know you're hurting. I also find myself wanting to stand up for old, comfy marriage, though. It's not a "fun and exciting phase," then a "comfortable, settled, routine phase," and then, "K, now go play by yourself for 50 years."
I mean, there's some of that.
But you can actually enjoy each other's company in year whatever, without having to burn all your marriage points or put on hard pants.
There's an element of luck to still wanting each other's company as the newness wears off, of course. But it helps to think in terms of companionship from the beginning, organically - and I'm talking about the before-you-even-meet-someone beginning. Meaning, you orient your life and priorities - in all kinds of relationships - on the quality of the f the companionship and whether the time you spend with someone flows and makes your life better. And whether you want more of it, mutually, without having to force the issue.
Any framing of a relationship in terms of progress, wooing, leaps, negotiating or, egad, chips within this mindset of actually enjoying each other and - mutually - not wanting that to end just seems so... discordant.
It's your life, not mine, but I can't imagine wanting this phase or a next one with someone I have to beg to have dinner with me before he goes off to game by himself.
If you, too, want someone who wants to have dinner with you, then you'll need to ask this one to move out.
Then I suggest breathing a bit as a single person. Reconnect with things you like about life, and your friends who reciprocate, and yourself. Add new ones, maybe. Reset your sense of normalcy and consider getting it realigned professionally. Especially if it wasn't 100 percent plumb to start with, it can get pretty bent by a power imbalance - as this relationship seems to have.
Letting your interest in each other run its course more naturally next time can help you avoid that; in this case, you'd have been able to read him better and accept his message of lesser or dwindling interest sooner (I'm sorry). You'd have seen the compatibility gap, too, I'm guessing.
Speaking of which: In fairness to no-dinner, solo-gamer guy, he's just right for some people. But needing to haggle for his attention says he isn't right for you.
Sorry. Read the room, Hax.
I do know you're hurting. I also find myself wanting to stand up for old, comfy marriage, though. It's not a "fun and exciting phase," then a "comfortable, settled, routine phase," and then, "K, now go play by yourself for 50 years."
I mean, there's some of that.
But you can actually enjoy each other's company in year whatever, without having to burn all your marriage points or put on hard pants.
There's an element of luck to still wanting each other's company as the newness wears off, of course. But it helps to think in terms of companionship from the beginning, organically - and I'm talking about the before-you-even-meet-someone beginning. Meaning, you orient your life and priorities - in all kinds of relationships - on the quality of the f the companionship and whether the time you spend with someone flows and makes your life better. And whether you want more of it, mutually, without having to force the issue.
Any framing of a relationship in terms of progress, wooing, leaps, negotiating or, egad, chips within this mindset of actually enjoying each other and - mutually - not wanting that to end just seems so... discordant.
It's your life, not mine, but I can't imagine wanting this phase or a next one with someone I have to beg to have dinner with me before he goes off to game by himself.
If you, too, want someone who wants to have dinner with you, then you'll need to ask this one to move out.
Then I suggest breathing a bit as a single person. Reconnect with things you like about life, and your friends who reciprocate, and yourself. Add new ones, maybe. Reset your sense of normalcy and consider getting it realigned professionally. Especially if it wasn't 100 percent plumb to start with, it can get pretty bent by a power imbalance - as this relationship seems to have.
Letting your interest in each other run its course more naturally next time can help you avoid that; in this case, you'd have been able to read him better and accept his message of lesser or dwindling interest sooner (I'm sorry). You'd have seen the compatibility gap, too, I'm guessing.
Speaking of which: In fairness to no-dinner, solo-gamer guy, he's just right for some people. But needing to haggle for his attention says he isn't right for you.
+Anonymous P — 5 days ago, 4 months later, 2 years after the original post[T] [B] #676,363
The rope trick: You are a burglar at the top of a 20-meter building, which has a ledge halfway down on which it is possible to stand. There are hooks at the top of the building and on the ledge. You have a 15-meter length of rope and a knife. You can cut the rope if you like and make any type of knot anywhere on the rope, which uses up no length and which can be applied on either hook. How would you use the rope to descend the building safely? You are not allowed to jump off the building or off the rope.