Topic: ||| SILENTLY SUFFERING: A GLIMPSE INTO ECO'S DARK PAST AND HIS TORTURED SOUL |||
+Eco — 6.5 years ago #54,620
EVERYONE LOVES TO HATE ON ME FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON..._"PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF ME...FOR NO REASON BUT JEALOUSY....
_ I FANTASIZE ABOUT MY DEATH...I KILL MYSELF BY HOLDING MY BREATH..."
~SILVERCHAIR (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEv_-CEgm-k)
TRY HAVING LIKE 12 OPERATIONS BY THE TIME YOU ARE 15 YEARS-OLD, CONSTANTLY GOING UNDER THE KNIFE TO REPAIR A BIRTH DEFECT LIKE CLEFT LIP AND PALATE...TRY BEING CONSTANTLY RIDICULED FOR LOOKING DIFFERENT...
TRY HAVING AUTISM, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, INSOMNIA, A.P.S.D., BIPOLAR, AND A SLEW OF OTHER MENTAL DISORDERS...
TRY BEING LOCKED IN THE PSYCH WARD 9 TIMES...
TRY BEING BEATEN BY YOUR ALCOHOLIC FATHER AS A CHILD, AND BEING BULLIED THROUGHOUT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
TRY BEING ROBBED AT KNIFE- AND GUN-POINT...
TRY BLACKING OUT IN ALCOHOLIC BINGES SO MUCH THAT SEVERAL YEARS OF YOUR LIFE FEELS LIKE A BLUR...
TRY HAVING NO FRIENDS FOR 1/3 OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE...
I PRETTY MUCH SAT BY MYSELF AT SCHOOL UNTIL GRADE 11...NEVER REALLY HAD ANY FRIENDS UNTIL THEN...
TRY HAVING LIKE 30 GIRLFRIENDS IN YOUR ADULT LIFE, BUT NEVER REALLY BEING ABLE TO KEEP A WOMAN LONGER THAN A MONTH, SAVE A FEW NOTABLE EXCEPTIONS...TRY HAVING YOUR 3 MOST SERIOUS GIRLFRIENDS CHEAT ON YOU, WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY...
TRY CUTTING YOURSELF 18 TIMES, TRYING TO SHOVE A TOOTHBRUSH DOWN YOUR THROAT IN THE HOSPITAL, TYING A PLASTIC BAG OVER YOUR FAE WITH A BELT, AND THE VARIOUS SUICIDE METHODS I HAVE TRIED...
TRY OVERDOSING 6-8 TIMES ON OPIATES LIKE FENTANYL AND HEROIN...
TRY BEING GENETICALLY PRE-DISPOSED TO ADDICTION, SURROUNDED BY DRUGS FROM A YOUNG AGE, AND BEING ADDICTED TO EVERY DRUG IN THE BOOK...
TRY BEING AN 'OVER-ACHIEVER' WHO KNOWS TOO MUCH AND IS AHEAD OF HIS TIME AND, THUS, NEVER FEELS APPRECIATED
TRY SPENDING ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT COMPOSING AND WRITING MUSIC THAT NOBODY LISTENS TO OR APPRECIATES; BEING MADE TO FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE AND UTTER FAILURE...
IF YOU THINK I AM A WHINER, 'CRYIN' RYAN', OR A PUSSY FOR COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS STUFF, BY ALL MEANS TRY TO REPLICATE WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN YOUR OWN LIFE, AND THEN TELL ME HOW IT FEELS...
MY BRAIN FEELS FUCKED UP FROM YEARS OF DRUG ABUSE; I FEEL LIKE A PRISONER OR HOSTAGE IN MY OWN MIND HALF-THE-TIME...
I KNOW I AM GOING TO DIE SOON, PROBABLY WITHIN THE NEXT YEAR, BUT I SIGH AND ACCEPT IT...
MAYBE YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT, AND I AM A WORTHLESS ABOMINATION THAT NEEDS TO BE ERADICATED FROM THE EARTH. MAYBE I NEED TO DIE TO GET CLOSURE FROM ALL THE GUILT AND TRAUMA I'VE SUFFERED...
I ADMIT IT...I HAVE A GOOD HEART DEEP-DOWN, BUT I DO BAD SHIT AGAIN AND AGAIN. I THINK I WILL ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS.
SORRY FOR EXISTING...
+Anonymous B — 6.5 years ago, 7 minutes later[T] [B] #577,290
Allow me to play a sad song on my small violin for you Cryin Ryan...+Shaiby — 6.5 years ago, 2 hours later, 2 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,308
Oh boy.
+Anonymous D — 6.5 years ago, 10 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,311
Oh, god. I don’t want to try any of those things. They all sound TERRIBLE.
·Eco (OP) — 6.5 years ago, 1 hour later, 4 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,328
I'm Fucking Depressed...and lonely...and unfulfilled,,,and FRIED out of my mind...
It's free speech that I'm speakin',I will kill the Church Deacon,
When I smoke CRYSTAL METH,
It feels good when I'm peakin'!
But you's a SNITCH and a BIRD,
So why don't you keep BEAKIN'!
My Mom's stole some shit,
When she took me ANTIQUING...
My Pops killed a man when he took me fishin,
But I got yo bitch Wishin'
For the Doggie Position;
I'm a Man on a Mission,
In they face I be Pissin';
Just Hear tha crack smoke Hissin'!
I need a woman to REVIVE ME,
Not one who will CONNIVE ME,
I'm acting all LIVELY,
But Inside I feel GRIMY...
·Anonymous B — 6.5 years ago, 3 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,313
·Eco (OP) — 6.5 years ago, 17 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,327
I CALLED OUT FOR GOD OR JESUS, BUT THEY NEVER ANSWERED!!!
The cruel, sadistic bastards take pleasure in watching me suffer...I am descending into madness and oblivion with every bowl of meth I smoke...
I cannot quit...it consumes my thoughts and behaviors...turns me into a beast...
I was not born a 'Monster'; I was made one by a harsh society that only gives me little tastes of paradise, but doesn't allow me to keep anything for any significant period of time...
Just my thoughts during the "third day of a seven day binge", as Marilyn Manson would say...
(Edited 6 minutes later.)
·Eco (OP) — 6.5 years ago, 5 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,316
@previous (Eco)
i need help...
i need reasons to live...
i need reassurance that i am not going to die soon, due to this reckless lifestyle...
i need someone to take a chance on me, and i would never let them down.
i need help...
i need reasons to live...
i need reassurance that i am not going to die soon, due to this reckless lifestyle...
i need someone to take a chance on me, and i would never let them down.
·Eco (OP) — 6.5 years ago, 1 hour later, 6 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,317
@577,328 (Eco)IF I FOUND ME A WIFE,
I WOULD LOVE HER FOR LIFE,
SHE'D END MY PAIN AND STRIFE,
HER BEAUTY CUTS LIKE A KNIFE...
I WOULD ALWAYS SPOIL HER,
AND WOULD NEVER EMBROIL HER,
IN ANY SORTA SCANDAL,
WE'D MAKE LOVE BY DA CANDLE,
I WOULD KILL ON-COMMAND,
IF I COULD HOLD HER SWEET HAND...
ALAS, SHE'S ALL THAT I'VE WANTED,
FOR SEVERAL YEARS,
MY ELUSIVE DREAM-GIRL,
ALWAYS LEAVES ME IN TEARS,
FIGHTING JEERS OF MY PEERS,
TRYNA STEER, AND STAY CLEAR,
OF THE FEAR, THAT DRIPS INTO MY BEER...
AND FEEL CHEER...
+Dead !Pool..v42s — 6.5 years ago, 28 seconds later, 6 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,318
@577,327 (Eco)
Check into a mental facility, get some lithium or something similar, and try to dull the fuck down, you might not die, but all this heavy drug use will age you drastically and then modern medicine will eventually let you live forever. Wouldn't you rather have a working body when reality kicks in?
Check into a mental facility, get some lithium or something similar, and try to dull the fuck down, you might not die, but all this heavy drug use will age you drastically and then modern medicine will eventually let you live forever. Wouldn't you rather have a working body when reality kicks in?
+Symtax — 6.5 years ago, 6 hours later, 12 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,329
@previous (Dead !Pool..v42s)
he's already been checked in at least 10 times.
The RCMP need to do their job better.
he's already been checked in at least 10 times.
The RCMP need to do their job better.
·Anonymous B — 6.5 years ago, 5 hours later, 18 hours after the original post[T] [B] #577,348
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