Topic: My Bahama Mama Saved My Life

+Eco — 8.5 years ago #49,629

I've got 7 suicide attempts under my belt. She's got 5. We met in a psychiatric ward at the low-point of our lives. We were hopelessly-addicted to drugs and are now clean and trying for a baby.

Suicide doesn't even cross my mind anymore. This woman does EVERYTHING for me. I feel unworthy and undeserving. I now believe that 'love conquers all'.

She is my Muse, as we both exchange love-inspired poetry on a daily basis. I call her 'Adina ma Queena'.

What am I trying to say? I believe things come to you when you give up and stop looking. For me, Adina was like Divine Intervention. She saved my life.

The way you move
Calms and soothes
I love your singing
I love your groove
I'm hypnotized
When I look in your eyes
If life's a game
Then you're the prize
I even love how you're
So organized
I love you so much
It makes me cry

Needless to say
You drive me wild
I'm ecstatic that you'll be
The mother of my child
We've made it so far
In such little time
I hope that you'll be
Forever mine <3

Enough with the sappy shit from me...
--------
"All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend
Down to ride to the bloody end" Tupac Shakur

+Anonymous B — 8.5 years ago, 4 minutes later[T] [B] #536,441

@OP
The woman in your other thread was different. You have been caught in a Matt-esque lie.

+Anonymous C — 8.5 years ago, 2 minutes later, 7 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,442

@OP
> I've got 7 suicide attempts under my belt. She's got 5.

> We were hopelessly-addicted to drugs
> Now clean

You just met her and now the two of you want to have a baby. Frankly the odds of success is next to none. A baby really?

·Anonymous C — 8.5 years ago, 1 minute later, 8 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,443

@536,441 (B)

Compare the eyes in both photos. So no esque lie.

·Eco (OP) — 8.5 years ago, 3 minutes later, 12 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,444

It's the same woman; the other thread was just taken in better lighting on a better camera.

I know the odds are against us, but we are determined to make it through. She says she's my 'Ride or Die' chick and nothing would make us call it quits.

·Anonymous C — 8.5 years ago, 3 minutes later, 15 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,445

@previous (Eco)

Why the urgent need for a child? Newborns will put a world of stress on both of you. Kid will end up in child protection care.

·Eco (OP) — 8.5 years ago, 1 minute later, 17 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,446

If our eyes look off in the pic, it may be because it was taken during our last Acid trip together before getting clean. She saw Christmas lights and psychedelic visuals where there were no Xmas lights, and I felt like my mind was blown by her, and the acid made it so I could barely comprehend how amazing she was. I just kept feeling her face and repeating stuff like "I don't deserve to have you" (taken from Slipknot's 'Snuff") and "Adina Ma Queena"

·Eco (OP) — 8.5 years ago, 4 minutes later, 22 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,447

I am getting old. I just turned 32 this week. I don't wanna raise a kid when I'm 40 or something. I wanna be able to do active things with them, like sports.

There is no rush, but we realize it takes awhile to conceive. And coincidentally we've long-visited the same porn site (XNXX) with an obsession for creampies. She just loves being came inside. We also think that our offspring would be cute and intelligent. I have studied developmental psych, and we have both been through a lot in life, so we have the street smarts and book smarts (I am a librarian w/ Master's education and she has her Bachelor's of Acting) to impart wisdom to our kids.

·Anonymous B — 8.5 years ago, 3 minutes later, 25 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,448

@536,443 (C)
> Compare the eyes in both photos. So no esque lie.

Exactly, look at the eyes and the eyebrows. It's a different woman. OP has been caught in a lie.

·Anonymous B — 8.5 years ago, 1 minute later, 27 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,449

@536,446 (Eco)
> If our eyes look off in the pic,

And by "off" you mean "clearly belonging to a different person"?

·Anonymous C — 8.5 years ago, 2 minutes later, 29 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,451

@536,447 (Eco)
> Bachelor's of Acting

Good thing she was only acting during the 5 suicide attempts.

You
> I am a librarian w/ Master's education

Somehow you clearly show a FAIL because you have not researched your odds on success having and keeping a child. Not until you have a few years to grow and heal. May not meet your rushed timeline, yet you damn well know wanting something and being able to manage it are just two worlds apart.

+Anonymous D — 8.5 years ago, 6 minutes later, 36 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,453

> Multiple Suicide attempts.

Nice job, Autphag.

> Met in a psyche ward.

Still see no reason this shouldn't work out.

> a baby.

I think that's a fantastic idea, first I need some water.

+Eco — 8.5 years ago, 10 minutes later, 47 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,454

Breaks my heart that y'all are cynical and non-supportive. Can't anyone be happy for Eco for once? If you knew the shit we've both been through...She was forced into prostitution at a young age and we've both nearly been killed and nearly killed people. I've had delerium tremens seizures withdrawing from years of alcohol. We've been robbed and raped, and lost everything to drugs and alcohol. Earnestly tried to remove ourselves from the gene pool, and Anons still tell me 'kill yourself, degenerate scumbag' and stuff like this all the time. I take that shit to heart!

You don't know how hard we've both tried to change and overcome a life of pain. I was born with a cleft lip and palate and had 10 reconstructive surgeries. I was ridiculed and called 'fuckface' throughout school. I isolated and sat under the stairs with no friends throughout most of high school, scrawling depressive poetry on the wall as an attention plea, until the little goth clique picked me up.

We've seen things that no innocent person should see. And I do believe that I am innocent at heart and have good intentions in life. I've just made some mistakes, but we will persevere.

·Anonymous B — 8.5 years ago, 1 minute later, 49 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,455

@previous (Eco)
Way too much effort for a shtick that failed pretty much right out of the gate.

·Anonymous C — 8.5 years ago, 8 minutes later, 57 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #536,458

@536,454 (Eco)
> Breaks my heart that y'all are cynical and non-supportive

Nonsense. I am fully supportive of any baby in the future from ill-equipped parents. If you want a new toy just go out and buy one. If it breaks you can go out and buy another. A baby? Really?

Why do you discount your education as a librarian? It's simple enough to research why the two of you stand a chance in hell of being able to raise a child when both of you are still children growing up after a world of hurt of bad odds. Now you want to pass that off to a baby?

Shame on you.

+Eco — 8.5 years ago, 13 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #536,459

Should I just give up and resume my suicide efforts? I have changed and overcame my faults the best I can. I feel emotionally-mature enough to raise a child. If anything, the hardships have made me stronger, and I have more pragmatic wisdom to pass on. I know I've fucked up royally when it comes to drugs, but I only started using 'cause I wanted to kill myself slowly after a devastating breakup of 9 years. I want to pass on my values (environmental stewardship, altruism, moral integrity, etc.) and make my mother and grandmother proud. Is that a crime? My father was an abusive alcoholic, so I would never allow myself to make the same mistakes. I would never even tell my children about mine and Adina's past until they are of an appropriate age.

·Anonymous C — 8.5 years ago, 6 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #536,461

@previous (Eco)
> I have changed and overcame my faults the best I can.

How many weeks - months have you been out of the mental health place?

How the hell can you feel emotionally mature enough to raise a child.

For someone who has a degree you do not demonstrate maturity.

> Should I just give up and resume my suicide efforts?

How can you ask that in the same subject matter of raising a newborn?

Eco you do not compute.

(Edited 26 seconds later.)

·Eco — 8.5 years ago, 5 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #536,462

It's been a month and a half since I was released, although I have proven to be quite resilient. Adjustments to my medication have helped immensely.

The suicide comment was just inspired by the negativity and nay-saying I'm hearing. I stayed away from the Deep Web for a month, but net addiction brought me back today. Perhaps I should stay away, considering the trolls nearly drove me to suicide twice (I live-streamed 2 attempts). I sought acceptance and approval from other Anons for so long, but only got hostility and my self-esteem dismantled. I know the Chans are a bad environment for an impressionable man such as myself, so hopefully I can stay away.

·Anonymous C — 8.5 years ago, 8 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #536,466

@previous (Eco)
> It's been a month and a half since I was released
> It's been a month and a half since I was released
> It's been a month and a half since I was released
> It's been a month and a half since I was released
> It's been a month and a half since I was released
> It's been a month and a half since I was released

As I said it just does not compute. To go in such a short time from release to trying to have a child. Sorry dude you need far more than any net reply is going to give you. I am not giving you any hostility, just honesty.

Try this. So lets say you are a working in a library and someone comes along and asks you for advice and has the same story to tell. You cannot tell me with your education, you would for one minute suggest working on impregnation and solutions to achieve that goal.

+Eco — 8.5 years ago, 18 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #536,469

You're prob right to an extent, but we've spent 24/7 together and live together and know each other intimately.

Maybe we're rushing things and should slow down. I'm open to that. The chemical pregnancy was unexpected, but brought me tears of joy. I really want my family name to live on in spite of my blunders.

I can quickly revert to my old self again, and am trying with every fiber of my being! Three years ago, before the drugs and suicide attempts, I was a respected professional who was a health fanatic (pic is me in my glory days). I traveled to international conferences promoting literacy and reading. Like I said, the breakup through me off-track and I didn't care about my health or wellbeing anymore. I dabbled in drugs and morally-questionable practices. I visited escorts and got beat up by pimps. I started selling drugs, stealing cars, getting in fights (numerous times with the police and hospital security). I blackened my own name within my profession. I do believe I have a shot at redemption, recovery, and salvation, however. My brain is still sharp and in-tact. I gave up on my dreams of becoming a rapper and prog-rock singer, after a brief forray into music. I only drink 3-4 beers a night and smoke a half-pack a day, so I think I am keeping my vices in-check. I eat very healthy, and am getting back to the gym, and I read avidly about self-improvement. What more can I do? I've begged for other ppl's forgiveness, but ppl tell me I need to learn to forgive MYSELF, and get rid of all the guilt, regret, and self-loathing.

Adina hates herself because of allowing the pimps to abduct and degrade her. She doesn't understand why anyone would want her, but I love her in spite of her past, and she doesn't care about mine. I would give my life for her.

"You don't know about this life I've led, or these roads I've walked, or these years I've bled!" ('Whore' By In this Moment)

·Anonymous C — 8.5 years ago, 15 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[T] [B] #536,471

@previous (Eco)
> What more can I do?

Keep what is left of that brain of yours intact. A baby will complicate your problems 1000 times what they are now.

+Anonymous H — 8.5 years ago, 5 hours later, 7 hours after the original post[T] [B] #536,484

@previous (C)
Let the retard fall off the cliff. He's so close it's not even funny and tbh now that bert is moving on we need a new punching bag.

+Anonymous I — 8.5 years ago, 1 day later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #536,536

@536,444 (Eco)
Most of them say some variation of that though..

·Syntax — 8.5 years ago, 1 minute later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #536,537

@previous (I)

Yo so how R U doing? I C U have flag back

·Anonymous I — 8.5 years ago, 24 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #536,538

@previous (Syntax)
Doing great...mostly..

Got fri and sat off...hows the ocean o blue..

·Syntax — 8.5 years ago, 8 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #536,539

@previous (I)

Weather is super clear re Santa Ana Winds - Surf is not so much but still much fun. Mornings are ''Extra Chilly"

·Anonymous I — 8.5 years ago, 4 hours later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #536,546

@previous (Syntax)
I like to refer to the cold weather as nippally..

+Ducky !MwWb.dJjRc — 8.5 years ago, 3 days later, 5 days after the original post[T] [B] #536,663

@536,446 (Eco)
Aww

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