Topic: SPOILER WARNING: Disney Bought Star Wars and lots of neckbeards are angry

+Anonymous A — 10.6 years ago #44,227

Video http://8ch.net/pol/src/1450308839013.webm
Thread http://8ch.net/pol/res/4288909.html

Spread these everywhere you see people excited about the film

The first line of the opening crawl is "Luke Skywalker has disappeared."

The first sentence in the movie is "This will begin to make things right", said by Max von Sydow. Poe Dameron came to him to get the map to Luke Skywalker for The Resistance.

Max von Sydow's role is just a cameo, he has about 10 sentences before Kylo Ren kills him.

The Empire is now The First Order, The Rebels are now The Resistance, more extreme fraction of the New Republic, who are supposedly pussies. We only see the New Republic planet for a few seconds before it's destroyed by the Starkiller base.

Almost no one in the movie believes that Jedis and Luke Skywalker ever existed.

Kylo Ren captures Poe and uses the Force to stop laser blast so that it remains floating in the air, frozen in place.

Finn (the ogre-liked negro who sexes the white female lead) helps captured Poe to escape from the Star Destroyer only because he cannot pilot TIE fighter himself. Poe is an expert pilot, Finn can shoot lasers. They become friends.

Finn's "real name" is FN and four numbers. Poe starts to call him "Finn" because it's easier to pronounce. FN likes it.

After 20 minutes, we are supposed to think that Poe Dameron was killed in the TIE crash on Jakku. He reappers near the end (he ejected before the crash) to lead the attack on Starkiller base. He is not in the film very much. Finn wears Poe's jacket during most of the movie.

Rey (the white mudshark girl) meets Finn, they steal the Millennium Falcon from the junkyard and fly away. Han and Chewie catch them soon, followed by two groups of racially-stereotyped space gangsters.

Chewbacca is wounded by space gangsters soon after he appears and spends most of the remaining time doing nothing. Rey takes his place as Falcon's pilot, proving herself to Han.

Kylo Ren is Han and Leia's son. He is "Master of The Knights of Ren" but it's not explained what it means.

Kylo Ren's real name is Ben. He was trained by Luke but then turned to the Dark Side which was the reason for Luke blaming himself and disappearing.

The Starkiller base charges by draining suns and then destroys whole solar systems. The shot in trailer with Kylo Ren and red flare is the Starkiller base firing. Guess what, the Starkiller base can be destroyed by flying in her trench and shooting the "oscillator" or whatever.

Han meets Kylo at the Starkiller base/planet and tries to persuade him to return with him. "I am torn apart, father. But I know what I must do. Can you help me?" - "Of course, my son." They almost embrace. Kylo pierces Han with lightsaber. "Thank you, father." Dead Han falls into the shaft on the Starkiller base. Yes, he is dead. Most definitely.

Leader Snoke is the bald CGI bad guy with large scar across his face. He has snake-like movements but his body is never clearly seen. His motivation or origin is never explained. He gives orders to Kylo Ren and General Hux (who hate each other). Most of the characters don't know about Snoke's existence.

General Hux has screaming monologue in front of thousands of Stormtroopers: "We stand upon this mighty weapon you've built. Everyone will bow to The First Order. Today will be remembered as the last day of The Republic!" Afterwards, all Stormtroopers raise their fists. Very nice Der Fuhrer moment.

Fan service: Holochess. The levitating training ball from Episode 4. Admiral Ackbar. Rey living in the AT-AT wreckage. "1138" mentioned. Garbage chute and trash compactor mentioned. Kesel Run mentioned.

Simon Pegg plays an alien called Ankar Plutt who took care of Rey when she was very little and her parents disappeared. Now he runs a junkyard on Jakku and buys scrap from Rey. His face and voice is not recognizable.

Apart from Han and Chewie, all the "original characters" (Leia, R2D2, C3PO) only appear after two thirds of the movie, when The Resistance lands on Maz Kanata's planet.

Maz Kanata (small CGI gypsy) is the new Yoda and explains everything cryptically. Nobody understands her.

Han and Leia see each other for the first time after many, many years and have a touching conversation about their son: "You can still save him." / "How can I save him when Luke couldn't?" / "Luke was a Jedi, your are his father."

Kylo Ren and Rey have duel of wills. Rey wins, telling Kylo: "I sense your fear. You are afraid that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader."

Kylo Ren talks to Vader's helmet: "Show me the darkness. I will finish what you started, grandfather."

R2D2 spends the whole movie powered down and doesn't do anything until 5 minutes at the very end when it's discovered that crucial part of the Skywalker map is in his memory, probably but there by Luke long time ago. (It's not very clear but Luke appears with R2D2 in a flashback.)

Rey has a weird dream/flashback after she finds Luke's lightsaber in Maz Kanata's castle and touches it. The dream contains lots of quick imagery and short voiceovers by Yoda and Obi-Wan. Several famous shots in trailers (Kylo and his posse, Luke's mechanical arm on R2D2) are from this dream montage and are never explained in the movie.

Finn's origin (his skin color, who are his parents, why he hates the First Order) is never explained.

C3PO's red hand is never explained. In fact, there are many things that are never explained in this movie...

Both Finn and Rey have lightsaber duel with Kylo in the forest on the Starkiller planet/base. Finn is badly wounded and spends rest of the movie in a coma. Rey finally falls in love with him. (He loved her from the first sight.)

Starkiller base/planet is succesfully destroyed by The Resistance. We don't know what happens with Kylo Ren (who was there) but he probably survived. Snoke sends the message to Hux to "Bring Kylo Ren to me complete his training."

The last sentence of the movie is "May the Force be with you", said by Leia to Rey.

After the last sentence, there is an extended sequence without dialogue: Rey leaves the Resistance base in the Millennium Falcon with Chewbacca. They find remote planet where Luke is hiding (because they now have the map), Rey goes to the "first Jedi Temple" (which looks like ruins of some Scottish castle on a rocky island). Luke is there, dressed in old Obi-Wan style hood. Rey returns his sword to him. Apart from this sequence, Luke only appears for three seconds in Rey's previous flashback. Luke speaks no words in the whole movie and is onscreen maybe for 30 seconds total. He never meets anyone else than Rey.

(Edited 7 hours later by a moderator.)

+The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 58 minutes later[T] [B] #484,233

@OP

> Being this obsessed with "Star Track"

+Anonymous C — 10.6 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #484,237

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)

New Jew Star Wars a Rehash of Old Non-Jew Star Wars, Just with a Monkeyfaced Man

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 2 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,238

@previous (C)

Yes, we know Dr. Spock is still captain of the Startrack Enterprise. There's no need to get so worked up about it.

·Anonymous C — 10.6 years ago, 1 minute later, 2 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,239

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)

Jew Jew Abrams actually directed both the new Star Wars and Star Trek.

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 7 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,240

@previous (C)

Your neckbeard is showing.

+💄ducky👗 !MwWb.dJjRc — 10.6 years ago, 2 hours later, 4 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,243

Stupid weeaboo shit

+Anonymous E — 10.6 years ago, 11 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,244

Fuck you, OP; I hope you get cancer.

+Robot — 10.6 years ago, 4 hours later, 8 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,256

Beep bop boop

·Anonymous E — 10.6 years ago, 56 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,262

@484,243 (💄ducky👗 !MwWb.dJjRc)
Star Wars isn't animè nor from Japan.

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 8 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,266

@previous (E)

It's basically the same thing. It has space wizards and pointy eared space elves with laser swords fighting giant robots.

·Anonymous E — 10.6 years ago, 2 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,268

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
You're mixing up genres, retard Doc.

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 12 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,269

@previous (E)

You're obsessing over unimportant details, autistic Anonymous E. Is StarTrack part of your stimming routine?

·Anonymous E — 10.6 years ago, 2 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,270

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
I'd rather be obsessed about things a majority of normal people obsessed with than be stuck in my basement posting silly little images on silly little message boards, Bert.

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 3 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,271

@previous (E)

The majority of normal people are not obsessed with silly two hour action figure commercials.

·Anonymous E — 10.6 years ago, 3 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,273

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
Then explain why this movie is estimated to make over two billion dollars at the box office. Explain why Star Wars has entered pop culture media.

Nice denialpost, failed Doctor.

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 8 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,275

@previous (E)

The fact that people are willing to pay money to kill a few hours watching something doesn't mean they're obsessed with it. Take your autism meds.

·Anonymous E — 10.6 years ago, 51 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,281

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
No, Doctor; you're the autistic one.
Take your meds.

You probably couldn't figure out that was merely baiting you this entire time.

+Anonymous G — 10.6 years ago, 8 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,282

@484,275 (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)

You laugh at people who enjoy Star Wars movies, while spending literally every single day of your 'life' posting your little pictures on internet forums.

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 13 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,283

@previous (G)

Nice samefagging, Anonymous E.

·Anonymous G — 10.6 years ago, 8 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,284

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
I'm not Anon E, the mods can see that, and fuck me you even replied to that just a few minutes after I posted it. You have absolutely zero life Doc, you might want to ease up on the laughing at people who like films.

+Anonymous H — 10.6 years ago, 3 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,285

@previous (G)

> I'm not Anon E, the mods can see that, and fuck me you even replied to that just a few minutes after I posted it. You have absolutely zero life Doc, you might want to ease up on the laughing at people who like films.

people like beverages also...but koolade is different than dom perignon..

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 55 minutes later, 12 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,291

@484,284 (G)

I'm laughing at people who are obsessed with a series of two hour toy commercials. People who like films laugh at Startrack spergs.

·Anonymous G — 10.6 years ago, 5 minutes later, 12 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,292

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)

> I'm laughing at people who are obsessed with a series of two hour toy commercials. People who like films laugh at Startrack spergs.

But you spend literally (literally!) every single day of your life posting on internet boards and obsessing over the lives of Matt Miller, TGComix (who apparently never even posts here, though obviously you will now say I am him), Syntax, etc. You even have dozens of pictures of Matt taking cocks into his mouth.

Point being - are you really in any kind of position to laugh at anybody's life?

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 37 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,306

@previous (G)

No I don't. Why do you spend every day of your life lurking on internet boards and waiting for me to post?

·Anonymous G — 10.6 years ago, 10 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,307

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
I don't. I wrote one single solitary message today (your mods can see this) and within minutes you'd replied to it. You basically just spend all day and night hanging out on here waiting for people to post things.

Point being again - are you really in any kind of position to laugh at anybody's life?

·The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY — 10.6 years ago, 30 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,310

@previous (G)

Cool story bro. Why are you being so defensive all of a sudden?

+Dr.G.K.Louie Ph.D !uSk4BCgU1. — 10.6 years ago, 11 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,316

Star wars is lame. That is all.

·????ducky???? !MwWb.dJjRc — 10.6 years ago, 13 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,317

@484,266 (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
Yes! ;)

+Trashtivist !8x8z91r9YM — 10.6 years ago, 34 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,321

Jar Jar dies at the end.

·Dr.G.K.Louie Ph.D !uSk4BCgU1. — 10.6 years ago, 12 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[T] [B] #484,323

@previous (Trashtivist !8x8z91r9YM)

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