Topic: How to Have Sex with a Vampire
+Anonymous A — 11.1 years ago #42,089
1. Get your blood work done beforehand and make sure you bring condoms: while the undead can’t give you any STDs, infections you might have (especially blood-borne infections) can make for an unpleasant experience for your vampire.
2. Don’t eat any garlic for at least 72 hours beforehand.
3. Don’t give blood for at least a month beforehand: you’ll need all your reserves.
4. Remove any cross necklaces.
5. Avoid aggressive French kissing, lest you nick your tongue on their teeth (if you’ve ever bitten your own tongue, you’ll understand how painful this can be).
6. Request that your biting coincide with an orgasm --- the rush of endorphins will help ease any pain, plus your increased heart rate will feel extra nice to your vampire.
7. Audible moaning to show you’re enjoying this pleasure-pain is always appreciated by a vampire.
8. Make sure you pack a snack (like a juice box and cookies) to eat immediately afterward to help with any wooziness.
9. Expect to be kicked out before sun up, and don’t take it personally.
10. Have a turtleneck or scarf on hand to wear home.
+Anonymous B — 11.1 years ago, 3 minutes later[T] [B] #459,593
I melt like hot butter when a chick latches into my neck and bites and sucks...its so hot..
+Anonymous C — 11.1 years ago, 1 minute later, 5 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #459,594
@previous (B)
Sucking on her tampons is not recommended.
·Anonymous B — 11.1 years ago, 4 minutes later, 9 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #459,597
@previous (C)
anyone with s err NSE should knoe that..
+Anonymous D — 11.1 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #459,603
@459,594 (C)
Although Bert is a bloodsucking leech, I do not believe he considers himself to be a vampire. Sucking on used tampons is clearly a last resort for vampires in need of a fix.
+Anonymous E — 11.1 years ago, 1 day later, 1 day after the original post[T] [B] #459,705
@459,594 (C)
Reminds me of 'Memnoch the Devil'. I read it when I was a wee goth negroid.
+On !Uvm54ORbmo — 11.1 years ago, 2 hours later, 1 day after the original post[T] [B] #459,720
step 0: find a vampire
PROTIPS:vampires dont exist
+Anonymous G — 11.1 years ago, 18 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[T] [B] #459,721
@previous (On !Uvm54ORbmo)
quack doesn't exist?
·Anonymous E — 11.1 years ago, 16 hours later, 2 days after the original post[T] [B] #459,759
@previous (G)
That's a leech, not a vampire.
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