Topic: RE: She literally uses her vagina like a purse... (Tennessee Pride Version)
+TCNNArchive — 12.3 years ago #34,672
> 2013> be bert's cousin
> store loaded NAA .22lr revolver in vagina (NOTE: not a suggested method of DIY abortion)
> store two baggies of meth in rectum
> be arrested
> get additional charges for bringing contraband into a penal facility
> be sentenced to 25 years
> such is life in Tennessee
Still more acceptable than storing car keys or loose change down there.
Gawker
Huffy (Sentenced)
News anchors at WGN-TV were yukking it up when Harris was first arrested. "The old caboose pistol --- everybody has one,"
+Anonymous B — 12.3 years ago, 8 hours later[T] [B] #395,354
http://uproxx.com/webculture/2014/04/teenager-gun-vagina/A 19-year-old Tennessee woman was arrested for driving with a suspended license on Monday, an arrest that lead to quite an interesting booking process.
A female corrections officer was booking Dallas Archer into the Kingsport jail when she became aware of an “unknown object in the teenager’s crotch” during a routine search. The Smoking Gun has the details:
The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination, a review that led to the recovery of a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina,” according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
Archer is now facing felony charges for gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility
Reached for comment by TSG, Souther said he would eventually like “the little fellow” returned, even though it would require “a bath in bleach.”
Archer was released from custody after posting $6,000 bail.
A little over a year ago, an Oklahoma woman shoved a gun up her vagina (and meth into her butt), leading to one of the all-time great news anchor giggle fits.
·Anonymous B — 12.3 years ago, 4 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[T] [B] #395,355
Is That A Gun In Your Vagina... Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?
I don’t have a vagina. But if I did have one, I’m pretty sure I’d think twice before I started shoving all sorts of weird stuff in there like it was an extra pocket made out of flesh. But hey, like I said, I don’t have a vagina. It seems like there are a lot of ins-and-outs and what-have-yous that you can’t truly understand unless you have one of your own. I like to think of vaginas the same way I think of Blackness: you can’t really understand it unless you understand it. I get that how that works. So, please, forgive me if I occasionally sound naïve as we attempt to make sense of a recent news story and figure out why a 19-year old girl would want to hide a loaded gun in her vagina. (Yeah, loaded.)
Like so many trips to county holding, this story starts with a suspended driver’s license. And it’s a nearly perfect example of the slippery slope of a life of a crime. First, you’re ignoring parking tickets. Next thing you know, you’re driving around on a suspended license. And boom, suddenly, you’re packing a loaded pistol in your vagina.
The perp in question is a young woman named Dallas Archer. As the story goes, Miss Archer was tooling around Tennessee when Johnny Law took an interest in her. Cops pulled her over and they discovered her driver’s license was suspended. Oops. They arrested her and brought her to the jail in some place called Kingsport, Tennessee. During their initial strip search, one of the deputies noticed something odd about Miss Archer’s vagina. A female cop and a jailhouse deputy took Miss Archer to the ladies room. After a quick search behind the meat curtains, the officers found a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina.”
Related Thought
To make matters worse, the gun was stolen. When the proper owner was contacted about its return he requested his hot pistol be dipped in bleach and cleaned of any residue left from its time spent in Miss Archer’s vagina. A fair request, I suppose. But didn’t anyone ask: Is this more taxpayer money being used frivolously, in this case, to clean vagina juice off a stolen pistol? Or maybe no one wants to ask that question. A better question to ask, what no one else seems to wonder about, but what I would’ve asked if I were there since it seems so obvious: Miss Archer, when you go out at night do you regularly pack a loaded firearm in your vagina? That’s so gangster.
As wild as her story is, Dallas Archer and her badass vagina, are far from the first time a woman was booked into jail while packing heat in her va-jay-jay.
Just Like Tiggers ... Vaginas Are Wonderful Things
Once again, this story did not take place in Florida. Way to go, Sunshine State! This bizarre incident took place in Oklahoma. The perp was with another woman, seated in a car that was noticeably alone in the parking lot of a restaurant that was closed since it was after-hours. Like, way after-hours. It was roughly 3:45 in the morning. That’s why police initially took an interest in Christie Dawn Harris. But imagine the cops’ surprise when they discovered there was so much more to her. She had so much more to offer.
While she was being transported to jail, Harris reportedly told the police she needed to use the restroom. But the police didn’t stop at a gas station for her to tinkle. Instead, they went directly to jail. As she was being booked and processed, Harris began to act suspiciously. Like, she was reluctant to lower her underwear for a strip search. Finally, she did. That’s when Officer Kathy Unbewust noticed the perp had the oddest vagina jewelry ever. “I observed at that time a wooden and metal item sticking out from her vagina area.” Officer Unbewust sprang into action and “pulled the item from her vagina, and found it to be a 5 shot revolver with rounds in the chamber.”
Once again, the gun is loaded. I guess if you’re gonna pack heat in your honeypot you wanna be able to pull your pistol and start solving problems without having to reach back in and find your bullets. (Probably.)
The Woman Who Mistook Her Vagina For Her Handbag
It’s not always a gat that a gal wants to hide in her vagina. Sometimes she just wants to tuck away a few essentials, you know, like she has a second purse between her legs.
In 2011, in Pennsylvania, a 27-year old woman named Karin Mackaliunas, was in a one-car accident. That’s not the funny part. That was just bad luck. When the police arrived, they informed her she was a suspect for a recent robbery. They took her into custody. After a routine search, they discovered three bags of heroin in her coat. Oops!
But that was just small change because Mackaliunas told the police she had “hidden more heroin in her vagina.” After they conducted a cavity search, police discovered “54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used for packaging heroin, 8 ½ prescription pills and fifty-one dollars and twenty-two cents.”
It seems Mackaliunas thought her vagina was the best place to hide her drug stash and her spare change. But apparently, in her haste, she’d missed three bags of heroin in the pocket of her coat. Double Oops!
Sometimes while I’m driving around Los Angeles, I’ll catch myself wondering:
Why would she put 51 dollars and 22 cents in her vagina?
Didn’t it jingle when she walked?
Did sh e not have anyone to teach her money is like, really, really unclean?
Was “vagina-as-second-purse” just a last-second decision she made when the police lights flashed?
But this is the way of the amateur. They never consider what do when and if things go wrong. That’s why they end up with fifty-one dollars and twenty-two cents in their vagina.
Now, we shouldn’t just pick on female criminals. Because, brothers and sisters, leave it to a man to come up with a plan so much dumber, so much crazier and down-right, flat-out dirrrrrty, that it actually boggles the mind.
I don’t have a vagina. But if I did have one, I’m pretty sure I’d think twice before I started shoving all sorts of weird stuff in there like it was an extra pocket made out of flesh. But hey, like I said, I don’t have a vagina. It seems like there are a lot of ins-and-outs and what-have-yous that you can’t truly understand unless you have one of your own. I like to think of vaginas the same way I think of Blackness: you can’t really understand it unless you understand it. I get that how that works. So, please, forgive me if I occasionally sound naïve as we attempt to make sense of a recent news story and figure out why a 19-year old girl would want to hide a loaded gun in her vagina. (Yeah, loaded.)
Like so many trips to county holding, this story starts with a suspended driver’s license. And it’s a nearly perfect example of the slippery slope of a life of a crime. First, you’re ignoring parking tickets. Next thing you know, you’re driving around on a suspended license. And boom, suddenly, you’re packing a loaded pistol in your vagina.
The perp in question is a young woman named Dallas Archer. As the story goes, Miss Archer was tooling around Tennessee when Johnny Law took an interest in her. Cops pulled her over and they discovered her driver’s license was suspended. Oops. They arrested her and brought her to the jail in some place called Kingsport, Tennessee. During their initial strip search, one of the deputies noticed something odd about Miss Archer’s vagina. A female cop and a jailhouse deputy took Miss Archer to the ladies room. After a quick search behind the meat curtains, the officers found a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina.”
Related Thought
To make matters worse, the gun was stolen. When the proper owner was contacted about its return he requested his hot pistol be dipped in bleach and cleaned of any residue left from its time spent in Miss Archer’s vagina. A fair request, I suppose. But didn’t anyone ask: Is this more taxpayer money being used frivolously, in this case, to clean vagina juice off a stolen pistol? Or maybe no one wants to ask that question. A better question to ask, what no one else seems to wonder about, but what I would’ve asked if I were there since it seems so obvious: Miss Archer, when you go out at night do you regularly pack a loaded firearm in your vagina? That’s so gangster.
As wild as her story is, Dallas Archer and her badass vagina, are far from the first time a woman was booked into jail while packing heat in her va-jay-jay.
Just Like Tiggers ... Vaginas Are Wonderful Things
Once again, this story did not take place in Florida. Way to go, Sunshine State! This bizarre incident took place in Oklahoma. The perp was with another woman, seated in a car that was noticeably alone in the parking lot of a restaurant that was closed since it was after-hours. Like, way after-hours. It was roughly 3:45 in the morning. That’s why police initially took an interest in Christie Dawn Harris. But imagine the cops’ surprise when they discovered there was so much more to her. She had so much more to offer.
While she was being transported to jail, Harris reportedly told the police she needed to use the restroom. But the police didn’t stop at a gas station for her to tinkle. Instead, they went directly to jail. As she was being booked and processed, Harris began to act suspiciously. Like, she was reluctant to lower her underwear for a strip search. Finally, she did. That’s when Officer Kathy Unbewust noticed the perp had the oddest vagina jewelry ever. “I observed at that time a wooden and metal item sticking out from her vagina area.” Officer Unbewust sprang into action and “pulled the item from her vagina, and found it to be a 5 shot revolver with rounds in the chamber.”
Once again, the gun is loaded. I guess if you’re gonna pack heat in your honeypot you wanna be able to pull your pistol and start solving problems without having to reach back in and find your bullets. (Probably.)
The Woman Who Mistook Her Vagina For Her Handbag
It’s not always a gat that a gal wants to hide in her vagina. Sometimes she just wants to tuck away a few essentials, you know, like she has a second purse between her legs.
In 2011, in Pennsylvania, a 27-year old woman named Karin Mackaliunas, was in a one-car accident. That’s not the funny part. That was just bad luck. When the police arrived, they informed her she was a suspect for a recent robbery. They took her into custody. After a routine search, they discovered three bags of heroin in her coat. Oops!
But that was just small change because Mackaliunas told the police she had “hidden more heroin in her vagina.” After they conducted a cavity search, police discovered “54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used for packaging heroin, 8 ½ prescription pills and fifty-one dollars and twenty-two cents.”
It seems Mackaliunas thought her vagina was the best place to hide her drug stash and her spare change. But apparently, in her haste, she’d missed three bags of heroin in the pocket of her coat. Double Oops!
Sometimes while I’m driving around Los Angeles, I’ll catch myself wondering:
Why would she put 51 dollars and 22 cents in her vagina?
Didn’t it jingle when she walked?
Did sh e not have anyone to teach her money is like, really, really unclean?
Was “vagina-as-second-purse” just a last-second decision she made when the police lights flashed?
But this is the way of the amateur. They never consider what do when and if things go wrong. That’s why they end up with fifty-one dollars and twenty-two cents in their vagina.
Now, we shouldn’t just pick on female criminals. Because, brothers and sisters, leave it to a man to come up with a plan so much dumber, so much crazier and down-right, flat-out dirrrrrty, that it actually boggles the mind.
+Anonymous C — 12.3 years ago, 2 hours later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #395,381
·Anonymous A (OP) — 12.3 years ago, 23 minutes later, 11 hours after the original post[T] [B] #395,382
+Anonymous D — 12.3 years ago, 8 hours later, 20 hours after the original post[T] [B] #395,482
@395,355 (B)
inside of vaginas are usually somewhat acidic, so itd be no risk to stuff coins in there theyd come out a bit slimy but otherwise clean
inside of vaginas are usually somewhat acidic, so itd be no risk to stuff coins in there theyd come out a bit slimy but otherwise clean
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