Topic: The memory of my mother and my father has made this feel too real
+Nautphagina !MLHqI35Srs — 12.6 years ago #31,964
I can't get over that. Why...
Why...
I'm actually heaving btw. Maybe this is it. Maybe a major panic attack will cause my mortal ascension. Who knows, if only...
+Anonymous B — 12.6 years ago, 4 minutes later[T] [B] #368,122
@OP
I hope this isn't because I asked about your dad in the other thread, I've always stayed away from it because of possible unpleasant memories. Only broached it now because you seem much more at peace with yourself recently.
·Nautphagina !MLHqI35Srs (OP) — 12.6 years ago, 3 minutes later, 8 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #368,123
@previous (B)
It's his absence, and my mother's overwhelming presence, which is really the traumatic theme here; my dad actually did nothing to me, and if you want me to hint at why he disappeared, neither were accusations true that he did anything to anyone else, but of course, the Judeomasonic courts have always been after my family on that side.
And the little minx who put him there, the lying minx who probably consented, even had she happened to be underage it's not as if any of the anointed Talmudic clans would ever be touched for the same, embodifies, doesn't she, the spirit of lying, femalewhore, succubi scum.
(Edited 3 minutes later.)
·Anonymous B — 12.6 years ago, 2 minutes later, 11 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #368,124
@previous (Nautphagina !MLHqI35Srs)
Oh yeah, by unpleasant memories I entirely meant by his absence, not anything he did while he was in your life.
+duckie !AiQkqOKm/c — 12.6 years ago, 42 minutes later, 53 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #368,126
feel better plz
+Anonymous D — 12.6 years ago, 23 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #368,132
It's good to talk about these things and I'm glad you're opening up. Have you ever kept a personal written diary?
·Nautphagina !MLHqI35Srs (OP) — 12.6 years ago, 6 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #368,134
@previous (D)
Several dozens in my time, but I'm never able to sustain the effort for long. It's good to write for myself, but I'm weary of keeping collections of writings, partly due to the potential for discovery, partly due to the association of any personally-authored autobiographic media with effeminacy which is a conclusion that, had I even suspected others had passed judgement on me for, would leave me simply too humiliated to continue. So I just make the disparate note to myself on a few sheets of A4 now and then, just to clarify my thoughts and put things into perspective, then try my best to commit what I can to memory (mine isn't as great as it looks, a lot of my arguments are just the employment of ad hoc stirrings that happen here and there to coincide with the facts,) for recall of useful specific instances to later extrapolate in other pieces.
I'm what would be if a failed STEM became instead a failed artist. Utterly worthless and mediocre, who would want to voluntarily read my ramblings? I presume you just come to for entertainment, but for me that's at least company.
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