Topic: The Ashes thread

Over the next 7 weeks I'll be using this thread to keep people informed on Ashes action. I imagine there are people here who are not able to watch them, due to perhaps the time difference, or the relative unpopularity with non-Commonwealth TV companies. But don't worry, I'll post all major developments here.

Anyway, they begin in 2 hours, and finish early next year. Every time a googly is nurdled off the pads to silly mod-on for a single, you'll know about it.

Can England make it 2 consecutive Ashes down under in a row? Let's find out together...

Cricket?

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet? The entire English innings.

@previous (B)
That joke would have worked in the mid 90s. Now, however, not so much. England have pissed on the once mighty Aussies 4 series in a row.

@previous (A)
Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
-Robin Williams

@OP

Is this game available on the nintari?

@OP
Upgrade to T20

@340,883 (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
Yes, would you like to nintari over the phone lines with me?

1st over bowled, Anderson maiden.

Broad hooked for a first-ball no-ball boundary. Aussies 7 for none.

YEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Broad makes the break-through, sending a gentle swinger down the off-side, good length, pitching just short of full, a nick to gully, 12 for 1.

(Edited 1 minute later.)

This is a quick, quick wicket, guys. I've rarely seen the Gabba so dry. Potential for seam movement around the 30 over mark.

@OP
do you know that Anti is anti cricket? Please don't be mad at him for that though

An hour gone, what do you guys think of the wicket? Looks flat as a pancake to me, are the Aussies trying to negate Swann?

@OP

http://www.tinychan.org/topic/22648

Swann into the attack, nothing doing, pitch is dead. 20 minutes till lunch, Aussies 53 for 1.

@340,993 (G)
As an Anti, I can confirm this.

@previous (Anti )
But are you the anti Anti, Anti?

YEEEEEAAAHHHHHHH! Broad again, right on the stroke of lunch! Watson playing outside off, edging one to Swann at 3rd slip, Aussies 71 for 2.

@341,079 (!NoGoD1GamE)
Anti-Anti has uped the ante with all these Antis.

(Edited 53 seconds later.)

Day 2 will begin in an hour, guys. England ripped through the Aussie batting order, they're 8 down. Skittle over the last 2 wickets for less than 300 and England are well and truly in the driving seat.

I'll keep you informed of developments.

@previous (A)

@previous (Bowling? )
That must be a common backdrop because the chances of some anon on tc posting a photo of an alley I've been to have to be even lower than berts chance of hooking up with ducky.

@previous (FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI)
They Say if you want to hook up with ducky? You need to turn her Bi

Aussies all out, Haddin last to fall, run out chasing a 2nd run that just wasn't there.

England in, going steady, 9 for no loss. Ashes debut for Michael Carberry, a large magnificent coloured man with the most marvelous toothy smile. Confident start from him, nudging a couple off his legs to score his first runs in the Ashes (and this is only his 2nd test match).

Cook edge to 3rd man area, first boundary of the innings.

Oh, that's lovely. That's just lovely. Carberry with the most divine cut over slips to the boundary. 22 for no loss.

@OP
When I said upgrade to T20 I was joking. How's the enthusiasm holding up at 118 for 9? Updates are a little slow while England are batting.

Don't know how to break what happened to you all, boys. Spectacular collapse yesterday, reminiscent of the dark and gloomy 90s. Terrible batting performance, poor shot selection on a pitch that doesn't even look menacing. I cannot see any demons in it.

Anyway, 3rd day begins in just 4 hours. Start again I suppose. Many here, I'm sure, will remember what happened at the Gabba 3 years ago. England collapsed in 1st innings...followed by Cook's huge double century in the 2nd.

There's always hope. I guess what I'm trying to say to you all is, try not to worry too much about this. Still a long way to go.

@previous (A)

Bordered text

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Bordered text

Upgrade to crown green bowls.

@342,264 (A)
Yawn. I am so heartbroken NOT!

Cricket is the most boring game on planet earth.

@342,264 (A)
> dark and gloomy 90s
The pop music may have been shit, but it was a great time to grow up.

@previous (FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI)
Nonsense, there was Oasis, the 2 classic Radiohead albums, early Tool, Faith No More, etc. More rock than pop perhaps, but there was good stuff floating around.

Anyway, enough derailing of the Ashes thread please. 2 more hours to go until the start of day 3! Excitement mounting!

Great start to the day, Broad taking a wicket with the first ball, poor shot skied to deep square leg. Lunch being taken, Aussies 2 down. Glimmer of hope, but faint.

Day 4 under way, looking very bleak for England. Over 500 to get with only 8 wickets in hand. Rain likely their only chance. Pieterson and Cook in, game on. KP driving a lovely one down the off side for the first boundary of the day.

@342,429 (A)
Definitely maybe is a cracking album.

@previous (L)

> Definitely maybe is a cracking album.

I agree, as was their follow-up.

Siddle bowling some cracking off-cutters. That last ball zipped off the turf. Ominous signs.

England are going to lose, no 2 ways about it, but it has to be said, the first hour of play has been very comfortable, some very solid batting. Why couldn't they do this in the first innings?

Good length being bowled by Lyon and Johnson, but Cook so far has all the answers. 68 for 2.

Mid-on protection for Lyon, he knows Pieterson is going to go after him. Beautiful flick off the pads down to long off.

David Warner has come up to field at silly mid on without a helmet!

Pieterson puts one straight down the throat of deep backward square leg. Gone, 73 for 3.

Oooohh, an absolute ripper from Johnson to Bell. Quality over.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..

Clarke putting a man in at silly point for Cook. Maiden from Lyon. Bell yet to get off the mark.

Lunch being taken, 98 for 3.

2nd test gets underway in half an hour. I'll keep everyone posted.

@previous (A)
HOW FUCKING LONG IS THE MATCH?

@previous (N)
5 days.

Steady start. Pitch looks like it could have some demons in it later on. England going with 2 spinners. Brave....but misguided? We'll see.

@342,429 (A)

> Nonsense, there was Oasis,

Crap.

> the 2 classic Radiohead albums,

Whiny crap.

> early Tool,

Pretentious, whiny crap.

> Faith No More,

Pretentious, edgy, whiny crap.

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
Yours is quite a joyless life, isn't it Doc?

Warner gone!! Spooning a dolly to the magnificent coloured man Carberry at point. Great wicket.

@previous (A)

Your only joys in life are tracing and listening to shitty music, BobbyMadComix.

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
I'm not Bobby or TG. Try to have other interests than seeing this 'Bobby' character everywhere, Doc.

Frequent rain delays. Will likely favour the England swing bowlers.

@previous (A)

Cool story, Bobby2Comix.

Off for rain again, game finely poised. Watson looking in fine nick, Swann getting some turn out of the rough.

Dreadful batting by England, Root and Pieterson both getting out to nothing shots. England in all kinds of trouble.

75-3. Bell heaving a 6 over mid on, but I'm not sure that's the right tactic at this point. What do you guys think?

Siddle getting some swing. Hope for Anderson in the 2nd innings?

Carberry taking a couple down fine leg, closing in on his maiden test half century.

Carberry reaches his 50, and Bell lifts another 6 over the on side!! Remarkable. England will probably still lose, but at least these 2 are putting up a fight.

Carberry is a magnificent, powerful man of colour, and he slashes an on drive through cover for 4, before flashing another boundary past gully. On to 58.

Lovely off drive through silly mid on for 4 from Bell. England starting to get a foothold.

Many here, especially the Americans who don't follow cricket very closely, are probably looking at the situation and thinking "But wait, Phil, England are going along at 2.1 an over, that's woeful". And yes, it is. But saving the game is what this is about now, not winning it.

England digging in, 4 maidens in a row. I cannot praise Carberry enough. Not only is he a magnificent, superb black specimen, he has benn hanging his long thick bat low, blocking everything from getting through. This is precisely what England need to do.

2 catchers on the leg side to Bell. Harris will probably bowl a bit straighter now.

Carberry gone. The stunning black man has gone, pulling to Warner at square leg. Such a beautiful, powerful man of colour, but he is now gone.

England in all kinds of trouble. Lunch taken.

Pains me to say it, but that was a stunning catch by Warner.

Aussies review, Stokes out. Getting embarrassing, 117-5.

Prior gone. 117-6. Flapping outside off to a Johnson 93mph off-break.

Broad gone, a triple wicket maiden from Johnson. 117-7. The end is nigh.

Swann and Anderson both gone, 135-9. Hopeless.

@previous (A)
Have you been watching the same match for 2 weeks?

@previous (N)
welcome to british sports

@previous (FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI)
Do I have to stay?

@previous (N)
Go read The Odyssey, You probably won't miss anything.

@previous (FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI)
Do I have to read The Odyssey?

@previous (N)
Uncle John's Bathroom Reader is pretty good too if you prefer.

@previous (FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI)
Do I have to read it in the bathroom?

@previous (N)
negatory

@previous (FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI)
Do I have to read it in English?

@previous (N)
Most likely.

@previous (FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI)
I appreciate your candor. You are a beautiful human being.

this thread holds very little interest for me..

Oh that's aggravating. Cook gifting his wicket to fine leg, 1-1.

@340,872 (A)

Upgrade to rounders.

@349,748 (A)
> 1-1
2 weeks and suddenly it's tied 1-1? Did Guy Pierce's character from Momento invent this game?

Beautiful cover drive boundary from the stunning Carberry. What a magnificent coloured man he is. 10-1.

@349,750 (N)
No, that was 1 wicket for 1 run. This is the 2nd game. A test cricket match lasts for 5 days. There are 5 matches over a 2 month period. Australia won the last one, and are on course to win this one too. Aggravating.

@349,749 (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
No

Root looking nervy. Bats out a maiden. No apparent demons in the wicket. Some cloud cover, hopeful of showers later on, but will it be enough to save England? What do you guys think?

There is just no pace in this wicket. Where has it all gone wrong for Cook and his men? Ok, it was aggressive, quick bowling by Johnson, but for my money they were bullied out, plain and simple.

Nice full on drive for 2 from Root there, good timing. 13-1.

@349,756 (A)
> they were bullied out, plain and simple.
I want to see tumblr throw a fit over this.

Slip, gully, silly point and a man very square to Carberry. Aggressive field from Clarke. Carberry and Root holding firm. You always feel, however, that the collapse is just around the corner. 17-1.

Can you believe it? A 2nd England batsman goes on the hook! Pathetic.

Carberry gone. England 20-2. Writing very much on the wall.

Trap set for Pieterson, 2 short mid wickets in for the catch.

I know that everyone here will have their own opinion about this, but the way I feel now - I say England just go for it, play some shots, at least go down fighting, harm their bowling stats if nothing else.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..

@previous (P)
Can't help you I'm afraid.

Lyon getting some turn out of the rough, but pitch still doing very little.

Ticking along, exchanging singles. 30-2.

Lovely boundary through square leg from Pieterson. Nothing extravagant, just pure timing. 34-2.

Oh, a gift from Lyon, Christmas-wrapped. Root puts it away through the on side for 4. 40-2.

Pieterson slapping away an off-break through silly mid-off. 43-2.

Maybe we have just been too successful for too long and have grown fat and proud and decedent, like the old empire.

Root sees out a Johnson maiden.

England 50 up with a flick off the pads down to the off-side boundary from Root.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY..

@previous (P)

Disgusting.

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
you are boring...and irrelevant..

@previous (P)

Pathetic.

@previous (The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY)
you are boring...and irrelevant..

Bit of a stalemate just before lunch, 58-2. No signs of life in the pitch.

@previous (A)
> No signs of life

exactly..

Steady start after lunch. Praying for rain, though. I don't think they can pull this off.

50 partnership up, only the 3rd of the series for England. Grim.

Lovely drive down the ground from Pieterson. 77-2.

@349,867 (A)

> 50 partnership up, only the 3rd of the series for England. Grim.

Ok translate this part please. What does it mean? In all seriousness Cricket looks really fun, and this is coming from an American who likes American sports, but what does all of this stuff mean?? I want to be able to watch it and talk about it with people. I wish I could make quality contributions to this thread but I need more info first.

@previous (N)
Just that part? It means that 2 English batsman have scored 50 runs together, for only the 3rd time in this and the last game (i.e the first 2 games of the 5 match series).

Let me know if you have other questions, I'll be happy to help.

Root clips a single to deep square leg to bring up the highest England partnership of the series (62).

This is starting to look like proper test cricket. Why couldn't they do this yesterday morning? Root guiding 2 lovely off drives to the boundary. England move on to 92-2.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY..

@previous (P)
Still can't help you.

What I like most about Pieterson's innings is he hasn't hit anything in the air. He is too good to keep getting out caught. Just hit it along the ground, KP.

@previous (A)
bunch of sissies.....lololol......ohhh let's play a bit of the ol cricket...wot wot....then we shall suck a few wangers....bloody hell yeah..

6!!! Pieterson slogging a rank full toss into cow corner. 100 up for England.

@349,882 (P)
If you don't like cricket, it's probably silly of you to keep posting in this thread. It just seems to be making you more and more upset.

Steady play here by England. They will probably still lose, but at least they are finally showing some fight.

@previous (A)
steady play by the faggots...they will probably stick get it in their arse...but at least they are taking it like real Brit men..

(Edited 6 minutes later.)

And that's Root's half century! Well played young man. This is enjoyable cricket.

And the 100 partnership comes up with a flick past square leg.

Pieterson brings up his 50 with 2 massive 6s. This is thoroughly enjoyable test cricket. I want to say again - because I'm wary of giving everyone here false hope - England are still almost certain to lose. But at least they are going down fighting.

@349,886 (P)

Disgusting.

3rd day of the 3rd test just started, Bell gone. England in disarray. Ashes look like being lost. LBW, given on appeal.

@previous (A)
You are the gayest faggot on the chans. I knew as soon as there was madaboutdoc post this gay thread would be bumped by OP

@previous (Q)
Does this thread upset you?

Prior at the crease, need a big innings from him. Waca wicket showing signs of breaking up beneath the baking heat. Need to get close to 385 and then skittle them out. Stokes with a nice clip past silly mid on for 2.

Oh that's majestic. Prior with a thrashed on drive for a boundary.

@353,890 (A)
The thread doesn't upset me, I just knew it was you posting it because there wasa a madaboutdoc post and you are gay for him

@previous (Q)
lol :)

Ball skimming the glove there, I think Prior got away with that. 195-5, needs a disciplined innings here from Stokes. Solid defense to the in-swinger sees out a maiden.

(Edited 2 minutes later.)

Stokes gone, pathetic, wafting outside leg to a Mitchell floater. England in the mire, 2 wickets gone in the first half hour of play.

Bresnan off the mark, clipping past silly mid-on for 3.

3 slips and a gully in for Prior. Clarke on the attack.

4 leg byes past 3rd man. They all count.

Prior gone looking to pull a Siddle bouncer. Abject.

Broad gone to a peach of an in-swinging yorker

Just wondering what you guys think about the final day of this test - can England get anything out of it? 251 more runs needed with only 5 wickets in hand (really 4, because Broad is injured). It's never been done before. Do you think Prior and Stokes will survive beyond lunch, as those cracks in the wicket start to appear and the 2nd new cherry is taken?

TinyChan

Topic: The Ashes thread

+Anonymous A — 12.8 years ago #29,283

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