Topic: Found the new fanfiction.net
+introman — 13.3 years ago #23,251
Just posting this link for all the tinychan homies. Wattpad.com I want to see what hilarious stories you can find from it. Here's an excerpt of one of them I found.+Anonymous B — 13.3 years ago, 37 minutes later[T] [B] #278,606
@OP
Why no tripcode, bud?
Why no tripcode, bud?
+kook !!u4KQvs2JM — 13.3 years ago, 18 minutes later, 55 minutes after the original post[T] [B] #278,608
Oh dear. This could get awkward
·introman !vDS3LCZBsU (OP) — 13.3 years ago, 10 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #278,609
@278,606 (B)
> Why no tripcode, bud?
Laziness. I'll add one right now. Also here is a funny story I found. http://www.wattpad.com/7240681-ma-thug-bonnie-nd-clyde-shit-3#!p=1
> Why no tripcode, bud?
Laziness. I'll add one right now. Also here is a funny story I found. http://www.wattpad.com/7240681-ma-thug-bonnie-nd-clyde-shit-3#!p=1
·Anonymous B — 13.3 years ago, 15 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[T] [B] #278,611
@previous (introman !vDS3LCZBsU)
Just click cite instead of quote, bud.
Also that link is completely unreadable garbage. It looks like someone made a human centipede with FanFiction, Pastebin and TextsFromLastNight and this is the result.
Just click cite instead of quote, bud.
Also that link is completely unreadable garbage. It looks like someone made a human centipede with FanFiction, Pastebin and TextsFromLastNight and this is the result.
+FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI — 13.3 years ago, 40 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[T] [B] #278,628
this looks like a good time to post textual_excrement.txt
(all misspellings and unbroken contractions should be read literally for best effect)
switched to quotes because codeboxing doesn't wrap lines
> "B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)"
> ""NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz)"
> "AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!
> XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXX
> WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD."
> "Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem."
> "They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz."
> "Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked."
> "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio imo noto okayo!"
> "Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!"
> "U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes u mst find urslf 1st, k?"
> ""OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then..... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites."
> "We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then........................... he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."
> "I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!"
> ""Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)"
> ""Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words............ Vampire!
> I was so angry.
> "You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
> "No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.
> "No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!""
> "Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,............................. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!"
> ""NO." he muttered loudly."
> ""Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."
> "OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit."
> ""What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"
> "I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT...." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"
> "This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."
> "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly."
> "I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot."
> "And then............... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
> "Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then....
> "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
> It was............................................................Dumbledore!"
> "B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."
> "In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.
> "No." My head snaped up.
> "WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?""
> ""Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away."
> "I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent."
> ""I luv TaEbory." he whispered sexily and den we fel aspleep lol."
> "I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois"
> ""What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything."
> ""Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."
> "Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie."
> ""You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1""
> "der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said '1980.'"
> "Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
> "We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)"
> "Then........................... he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."
> "We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
> "We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy."
> ""Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes.""
> "I smelled happily and went into a dark room."
> ""Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.""
> ""My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.
> "Why?" I exclaimed.
> "Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.
> "Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.
> "Really?" he whimpered.
> "Yeah." I roared."
> ""Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way."
(all misspellings and unbroken contractions should be read literally for best effect)
switched to quotes because codeboxing doesn't wrap lines
> "B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)"
> ""NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz)"
> "AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!
> XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXX
> WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD."
> "Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem."
> "They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz."
> "Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked."
> "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio imo noto okayo!"
> "Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!"
> "U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes u mst find urslf 1st, k?"
> ""OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then..... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites."
> "We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then........................... he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."
> "I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!"
> ""Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)"
> ""Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words............ Vampire!
> I was so angry.
> "You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
> "No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.
> "No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!""
> "Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,............................. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!"
> ""NO." he muttered loudly."
> ""Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."
> "OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit."
> ""What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"
> "I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT...." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"
> "This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."
> "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly."
> "I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot."
> "And then............... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
> "Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then....
> "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
> It was............................................................Dumbledore!"
> "B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."
> "In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.
> "No." My head snaped up.
> "WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?""
> ""Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away."
> "I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent."
> ""I luv TaEbory." he whispered sexily and den we fel aspleep lol."
> "I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois"
> ""What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything."
> ""Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."
> "Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie."
> ""You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1""
> "der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said '1980.'"
> "Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
> "We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)"
> "Then........................... he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."
> "We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
> "We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy."
> ""Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes.""
> "I smelled happily and went into a dark room."
> ""Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.""
> ""My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.
> "Why?" I exclaimed.
> "Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.
> "Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.
> "Really?" he whimpered.
> "Yeah." I roared."
> ""Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way."
(Edited 8 minutes later.)
+Morbid — 13.3 years ago, 1 minute later, 2 hours after the original post[T] [B] #278,629
Read that crystals MLP shit about forest rape and hospital suicide, it's pretty cool. Just google it.
+ducky !LZ0E5ojVGY — 13.3 years ago, 1 hour later, 3 hours after the original post[T] [B] #278,651
+squeegee !!vjxGw8UNy — 13.3 years ago, 2 hours later, 5 hours after the original post[T] [B] #278,704
this is what happens when people who do not read try to write for an audience. everything comes across like you're getting the spark's notes version of it, or that you're listening to a friend explain in excruciating detail the events of some TV show they saw. All these people are capable of writing is a list of implausible actions interspersed with dialog that is nothing more than constant exposition. for example:
Mac and Sue were a pair of bank robbers on the run from their last heist. Mac said, "we should pull over in this car we're driving to mexico and get some lunch, because i am hungry."
"I agree 100%, because i am hungry also," said Sue. "Also, since your my best friend since childhood, i trust you 100%."
As it happens there was a Dairy Queen Restaurant up the road they were driving on and Mac said, "We should pull in here, you know i can't resist the steak finger basket."
"Okay, good idea, 100%," agreed Sue.
When Mac turned into the parking lot they saw that the place was getting robbed. "Oh my god, look Mac, the place is getting stuck-up!"
"We should stop it," said Mac
"But Mac, we're bank robbers, why would we stop a hold-up crew?"
"Because, Sue, we can be heros and maybe they'll forgive us all the bank robbing and we can get married and make babies like normal."
"okay, Mac, i think that's a good idea."
Mac and Sue got their guns and ran into the Dairy Queen. They stopped the Heist-crew hold up gang with an auto-assault rife and a silver pistol that Sue got from her Grandad. The police got there just in time to see Mac and Sue march the bad guys right up to the cops, who hailed them as heroes. "Great work, guys, you're both such heroes now."
And the mayor gave them a medal at a big ceremony, which also is where Mac proposed.
"Sue, you're my best friend since childhood and i really loved you all along. now that we're forgiven our crimes and are no longer bank robbers, will you marry me and live in this small rural town forever and grow old with me and have babies?
"yes," said sue. "that's the best idea you've ever had."
And they did.
Fucking Garbage. it's like they have a little TV in their brain and they imagine themselves kneeling down in front of it with a pad and pen to write down what they see, and then call it a proper story. it's not even a proper rough draft! it's barely an outline.
Mac and Sue were a pair of bank robbers on the run from their last heist. Mac said, "we should pull over in this car we're driving to mexico and get some lunch, because i am hungry."
"I agree 100%, because i am hungry also," said Sue. "Also, since your my best friend since childhood, i trust you 100%."
As it happens there was a Dairy Queen Restaurant up the road they were driving on and Mac said, "We should pull in here, you know i can't resist the steak finger basket."
"Okay, good idea, 100%," agreed Sue.
When Mac turned into the parking lot they saw that the place was getting robbed. "Oh my god, look Mac, the place is getting stuck-up!"
"We should stop it," said Mac
"But Mac, we're bank robbers, why would we stop a hold-up crew?"
"Because, Sue, we can be heros and maybe they'll forgive us all the bank robbing and we can get married and make babies like normal."
"okay, Mac, i think that's a good idea."
Mac and Sue got their guns and ran into the Dairy Queen. They stopped the Heist-crew hold up gang with an auto-assault rife and a silver pistol that Sue got from her Grandad. The police got there just in time to see Mac and Sue march the bad guys right up to the cops, who hailed them as heroes. "Great work, guys, you're both such heroes now."
And the mayor gave them a medal at a big ceremony, which also is where Mac proposed.
"Sue, you're my best friend since childhood and i really loved you all along. now that we're forgiven our crimes and are no longer bank robbers, will you marry me and live in this small rural town forever and grow old with me and have babies?
"yes," said sue. "that's the best idea you've ever had."
And they did.
Fucking Garbage. it's like they have a little TV in their brain and they imagine themselves kneeling down in front of it with a pad and pen to write down what they see, and then call it a proper story. it's not even a proper rough draft! it's barely an outline.
+Anonymous H — 13.3 years ago, 1 hour later, 7 hours after the original post[T] [B] #278,713
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