@674,400
motivation's not a bad thing but sometimes it creates the illusion that the "thing" you want to have/do is attainable through sheer will power and effort but the reality is what's been thought of or desired is currently in short supply because there's too much demand, too many tigers living in the same mountain. By the time you realize its best to move to another mountain, other tigers already beat you to it. It's like eldritch level chess. its exhausting. Thats why I'm starting to see the concept of "gatekeeping" exists in the first place. the less they know the better for you because then you dont have to worry whose coming the ladder to come take your place when all you have to do is kick it down. best you can do live with what you're comfortable with and be grateful for whatever you have left.